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I think I'm falling, just wanna stand.
But you've got me cradled in your hand.
'Cause when you sleep I see your dreams.
Your in my how it seems.
With you forever I will lie,
until the sun refuses to shine.
Oh, and never will I leave.
Our perfect bodies twist and weave.
I can't imagine you'd make me cry,
This feeling kept, can never die.
'Cause when you sleep I'm in your dreams.
I'm in your how it seems.


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The following comments are for "In My Head"
by pLp420

In my Head

This had the flow of a good rhyming poem except for the line:

'until the sun refuses to shine,'

Given the rest of the poetry I cannot see why you used this line, it breaks both the flow and rhyme.

I would have thought something like:

Untill the sun departs the sky
untill all time has passed us by

Would have fit better, but staying within 'your' meaning, not mine.

4th line 'your' should have been you're (you are).

However with the above exceptions I found this to be a good poetic outpouring of feelings, and look forward to more of your work.

Have Fun,


( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 17, 2006 )

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