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New and old, and old and new,
Come join this thread, it's here for you.
Cyber poets all unite
And show your skills in writing shite.

The poetry must be quite good,
shite's just the subject... understood?
You do not have to use crude words,
for not all shite's compossed of turds.

Let all your inhibitions fall,
and try to write about it all.
For shite is always to be seen,
but what is shite... that's what I mean.

I'll start the thread so you can see,
Just what it is that's shite to me.
It's not urea or a turd,
It how some poetry's absurd.

"I feel that I have reached my best
and none can now compete.
The only chance you have to learn,
is begging at my feet."

Now that is shite, don't you agree,
and words like this are shite to me.
So what is it, that makes you blue,
please join this thread and tell us too.

Maybe it's poems without rhymes,
or even double spacing lines.
Maybe it's music with a beat
that makes your ears admit defeat.
Maybe it's food with rancid taste
or marmalade or just meat paste.
Now matter what is shite to you
we'd like to share your bad tastes too.

So grab your pen and have some fun,
In comments let this new thread run.
This time to get your poem right,
It's got to be... a load of shite!

------
The moment created this second, is a moment that's going to last.
It lives the full spectrum of time, the future, the present and past.
------


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Comments

The following comments are for "Shite... THREAD"
by ivordavies

Shite...THREAD
Again my day has turned out shite,
With not a thing that's turned out right.
And even Eric got it wrong
He had to sing a different song.

The word, my brother's, not Shi'ite,
Though war has dropped them there alright.
Trust you to bend my little game
But 'First in Line' though....all the same!

Now Pen sees shite as all that Crap,
My other post is where she's at.
She also jumped straight in the shit,
And made damn sure that she did her bit.

So now we'll see where others tread,
And see what shite now joins the thread.
So do your best with clear hindsight.
And tell us what's your favorite shite.

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 15, 2006 )

thread
Crud and crap and shite and such,
to do this work improves us much,
so here are my few driveled lines,
set on screen and chip this time.

I do so hope its relevent,
what rhymes here?.....elephant?

( Posted by: wally 5 [Member] On: March 16, 2006 )

Newbie's Welcome
What most folk say is relevant,
is normally only shite.
The things that matter most in life
are those that feel 'just right'.

Now if you had a little zoo,
and one huge empty pen.
An elephant, or maybe two
would sure be relevant then!

But think of all the poo you get
If you feed an elephant.
This gives the term 'a load of shite'
A really different slant.

This nonsense rhyme has gone to far,
it's reaching boredom's rim.
So come on newbies, have a go
We'd love you to join in!






But to see this elephant

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 16, 2006 )

Did I put my poem on the wrong thread?
I had a senior moment
please don't give my knuckles a rap
I'll have to write another poem
there is no shortage of crap

Did you ever look into the air
as a bird flew by?
All of a sudden there was a splat
bird poop right in your eye

Did you ever take a walk
in your neighbor's lush green grass?
Little Fido's left his mark
You slip and fall on your A--

There's litter in the cellar
full of kitty poo
Your dog thinks it's a doggie treat
Licks your face to say...Thank You

Baby has a diaper full
It's dragging on the ground
He leaves behind a little trail
spreading his wealth around

I could keep writing on and on
but I must stop ,alas
I am getting writer's cramp
and sounding somewhat crass

( Posted by: Nitz Kitty [Member] On: March 16, 2006 )

Ivor's Thread,
Oh I am around, and around as can be
just suffering 'cause my muse left me.
I looked high and low, in and out.
But she's left me I have no doubt.

I looked around to find some new ink
find some newness in the angst I think.
So often come to read and that appeals.
Thankful that I have ways for my meals.

Can't see for nothing but this ol'wall.
No smiles occur and no tears will fall.
I've hit a spot that nothing is great,
I hitched a ride on time and I'll wait.

Nights are lonely and still quite dark.
The sun comes up and my pages unmarked.
Perhaps writing is not my form anymore
yet I wait for Muse to come to my door.

I read lots of newbie work and its good.
Uncommented by me, although I should.
To let people know that I like the reads
something has left me and all my needs.

Empty I feel and my words read like shit.
I enter this site, copy, paste but not hit.
There are new avatars to welcome along,
don't feel anything else, just to belong.

One day I may be back here submitting too
until then, glad I found this thread to do.
Perhaps my muse will fall back into my soul
and my writer's spirit will again be hole.

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: March 16, 2006 )

Food for Thought
Dar,

"Empty I feel, and my words read like shit",
No way in hell, YOUR words AWAYS fit.
It seems at the moment that you feel like shite,
But all on this site like the way that you write.

It's feelings like this, that folk have everyday,
That our craft of writing, will help take away.
Forget the fidelity of your fickle muse,
Your pen by itself is all you need choose.

So spill out your shite, if that's what you feel,
For to folks like myself, your shite is a meal.
The poetry you've written, whilst here on Lit,
Has been 'Food for Thought'... and not ever shit!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 16, 2006 )

Ivor/ "Senryushite"
When a young lad of
17
Exhaling
Which had held with might

I coughed and declared
To my friend
Toking spliff
That's some primo shite

031806
Bobby7L

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: March 18, 2006 )

IvorThread
I raise my glass to you all tonight
For thoughts well thunk about so much shite
I wonder if I might add a word or maybe two
A few turd-wurds to add to this pile of poo.

But, alas, blankness where avatar is a-missiní
To leave it so could be construed as a-dissiní
So a quick shot of mug, in just the right spot
Looks like a guy I know, like it or not

But I wonít try to rhyme these wurds I write
Iíve tested those winds and flown that kite
Iíd rather just float them like boats on the bay
And let all of my shite just land where it may

So my praise to good Ivor, a helluva good plan
To let us toss in our shite and watch it hit fan
I hope it will go on for ever and a day
Iíll drop in often just to see what we all say.

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: March 19, 2006 )

Ivor...what would Shakespeare say?
Trust you Ivor
to keep things light
And make us laugh
with all our might
Only you... right out
Of the blue
Would wax poetic
wrting about poo!

Call it "shite"
or what you will
Just thinking about it
Makes me ill.
What would poor ole
Shakespeare say
To hear you sully
Poetry this way?
Of all the things
We could write about
"Poo's" not one of them
without a doubt!
You silly man
though I love you still
I think your brain
Has gone over the hill
I know you think me
cranky and shrill
But would Shakespeare do it?
No...not Will!

I'll leave you to it
thought I think it trite
To write about something
As smelly as shite
But as for you
You're still a delite
The rest of your poems
Are DY-NO-MITE!

Love ya
Bea


( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: March 21, 2006 )

Ivor...what would Shakespeare say?
Trust you Ivor
to keep things light
And make us laugh
with all our might
Only you... right out
Of the blue
Would wax poetic
wrting about poo!

Call it "shite"
or what you will
Just thinking about it
Makes me ill.
What would poor ole
Shakespeare say
To hear you sully
Poetry this way?
Of all the things
We could write about
"Poo's" not one of them
without a doubt!
You silly man
though I love you still
I think your brain
Has gone over the hill
I know you think me
cranky and shrill
But would Shakespeare do it?
No...not Will!

I'll leave you to it
thought I think it trite
To write about something
As smelly as shite
But as for you
You're still a delite
The rest of your poems
Are DY-NO-MITE!

Love ya
Bea


( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: March 21, 2006 )

Thanks for your comments Ivor
Anyone with half a wit knows it's best done while you sit. It's brown, it's warm, with changing form.
Some I've had ain't smelled half bad. Once while somewhat clogged I produced this massive log.
I just had to share, so I took it to the county fair. To see if I could win a prize for it had astounding size. But alas the judges had a fit and I didn't win ....

( Posted by: JackGrady [Member] On: March 21, 2006 )

Opps
Opps I hope that's not too rude I read it back it's rather crude.

( Posted by: JackGrady [Member] On: March 21, 2006 )

Shite thread
Uncle used to put golashes on
to walk into his kitchen.
He'd rankle around and fuss and moan
and do a lot of bitchin'.

The dog was young and kept in there
and Uncle wanted soup-
He'd holler. He'd scream. He'd had his share
of stepping in puppy poop!


(thanks for the memory!)
"have fun-" ;)
Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: March 23, 2006 )

SHITE - Revisited
Now thank you all for joining in,
with such a load of crap.
But I'm suprised at what you wrote
and where you hung your hat.

I thought my brief was very clear
It wasn't turds or shit.
But everything you face in life
You felt just stunk a bit!

~~~~~~
The poetry must be quite good,
shite's just the subject... understood?
You do not have to use crude words,
for not all shite's compossed of turds.

Let all your inhibitions fall,
and try to write about it all.
For shite is always to be seen,
but what is shite... that's what I mean.
~~~~~

So this I challenge to you all
who rallied 'round' and answered call.
Forget the poo, the piss and shit,
and let words extend a bit.

Include the things you like the least,
Your boss, your spouse or maybe priest?
The food, the music, don't be crude,
and please my friends...just don't be rude!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 23, 2006 )

Ivor's request/ pen's poop
Ivor- My Pop Pop said to me as a young lad, that I was a "conniption." You must have been one, as well...Perhaps we both still are..

Penelope- Do you refer to those 'shitier' than thou?

Bibbing in Babylon,
Bobby7L


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: March 23, 2006 )

Conniption!
Conniption fits, you must agree,
are not reserved for folk like me.
So Bobby's dad had cause to tell
the thing that drove 'him' into hell.
His loving son has turned out right,
But growing up he was a shite!

But me, I was a loving thing,
who used to smile, and laugh and sing.
A mummy's boy they all called me,
and loved to have me 'round to tea.
Now doesn't that get up your nose,
no tantrums from this perfect rose.
It really makes you want to spit,
attention seeking, little shit!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 23, 2006 )

A "caution," as well
An alarm I was/When just a lad/ Shite I pulled/Boy, was I bad

I whacked mom's tulips/With my toy pistol/Later cracked/ Her favourite crystal

Emptied Dad's liquor/When they went to shore/Before growing my hair/And protesting war

Playing baseball/ In grandfather's yard/Yes, shigles were shattered/On Pop Pop's garage

Said I was a caution/With his warm smile/I now have one too/And this shite collage


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: March 23, 2006 )

Ivor/ That's "Shingles"
Sorry, typed in as penned..

I'll always remember playing catch, as well as building forts made of snow and eating cherries from his tree until stomach ached, in Pop Pop's backyard.

Thanks, Ivor, for inspiring memories...


Robert William

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: March 23, 2006 )

In the Shite!
(adapted to poetry from an old story)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little bird flew on a cold winters day,
His small wings they froze and he fell a long way.
He landed in cow muck and thought he would die,
Freezing to death, he then started to cry.

But the cow poo was warm and it unfroze his wing.
The little bird happy, then started to sing.
A passing fox heard him and thought 'this is great',
Grabbed him out of the shit..and this birdie he ate!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are three morals to this story:

1. It is not always your enemy that lands you in the shite.

2. If someone gets you out of the shite, it is not always your friend.

3 If you are in the shite and you're happy - KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 24, 2006 )

None so Blind
There's none so blind... or so they say,
but things we see along the way.
are sometimes meant for blinkered eye.
What is it all those billboards cry?

If you lose weight, you'll be divine!
(Hey fatty get a shape like mine?)
Success is yours, Financial gain!
(To grab your money is our game?)

We look behind the things they say
as we progress along the way.
So is it that we're really blind
or just see things we want to find?

Bombarded with a load of shite
that tries to tell us what is right.
We've selective blindness to it all
for they're just posters on the wall!

There's none so blind, or so they say,
what is it that you missed today?
While making choices with your sight,
you may have missed much more than shite!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 25, 2006 )

Shite... THREAD
I,ve thought and I,ve pondered this thread posted by Ivor
I,ve rattled my brain like mister McGwyver
Everything I think of just sounds like a rap
And if your like me your not into that crap
So I,ll come here each day to this page on Lit
Just to see what has been added to this thread on shite

( Posted by: POISON9901 [Member] On: March 25, 2006 )

Words set in Concrete!
Steve, no need for you to rattle brain
if thinking gives you so much pain.
Just let your woreds like concrete flow,
despatch them to the box below.
And if at last the mix is right,
your poetry will not be shite.
But then will stand the test of time,
and cement us all to every line...

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 26, 2006 )

Shite...
Thank you Ivor
I,ve read what you said
oh the relief my aching head
A little sand and some rock will do
To make this poetry stick like glue
Mix them together and stir it well
Let it rest and time will tell
Get it wrong ,and It wont be a hit
It,ll just lay there like a pile of shite
You,ll need some help with the finishing part
Cause making it smooth is really an art
You,ll need to hurry as it set,s pretty quick
With the proper equipment you can make it slick
Now step away your job is threw
It looks very nice and not like poo
Three days later you,ll be a big hit
Cause your concrete looks good and not like shite

I think Im done with this discussion on crap
And on that note I,ll call it a wrap
I,ll go to my job in my hole they call the pit
And patiently await your response on this shite

( Posted by: POISON9901 [Member] On: March 26, 2006 )

2nd try
I hope you understand it was never in my plans to walk about upon my hands. I read your poem and understood and could have replied and really should, but oh no I had to wait and then and there seal my fate. For when I returned I forgot the gist and so began the ackward twist. I latched onto poo and thought ah yes I can do this too. But it was I alone who penned those words. I read them back they're quite absurd. And it was I the twit that clicked the button called submit. But here I really must protest for the lack of the button call GET IT BACK! And though it might not seem polite that missing button is shite.

( Posted by: JackGrady [Member] On: March 28, 2006 )

Renauly Shite
[a/n]see 'Renault' www.lit.org/view/30113[\a/n]

I had a brand new Renault
it cost me quite a lot.
The dealers that repaired it
were just a load of rot.
I am a good mechanic
so I'm the one to blame.
For thinking that all modern cars
were nearly all the same.

But this car, had good airbags
around all sides of me.
So when I got the slightest chance
I'd try them out, you see.
A perfect opportunity
came knocking at my door.
To take a woman for a ride,
who was my wife before.

So speeding down the motorway
around eighty, not much more.
I saw the perfect take off ramp,
some debris on the floor.
The car was flying smoothly
doing somesaults in the air.
It tumbled over, end on end
and had to land somewhere.

The crashing and the crunching
the grating and the bangs,
should have fired off all the the airbags,
To save us, you understand.
But when the car had finally,
plundered to a rest.
I'm sad to say, that once again,
Renault had failed the test!

But we both survived the trauma
of our test flight on that night.
No thanks to Renault Motors...
for their cars are nought but shite.




( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 29, 2006 )

Shite Thread
Talking Shite...or What Smells

Your Silver hair is lovely
more beautiful than gold
(Who does this guy think he's talking to?
I'm gray because I'm old)

Your eyes are like deep pools of blue
I'd like to take a swim
(Does he think I'm stupid
enough to believe him?)

Your lips are like ripe cherries
I'd like to take a taste
(You'd better not come near me
my time I will not waste)

Your body is so pleasantly plump
that's the way I like my women
(Oh boy, it's getting deep in here
Soon we'll both be swimmin')

(I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE
SHUT YOUR TRAP-OR THERE WILL BE A FIGHT!
DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE BUTT
GET OUT -YOU'RE FULL OF SHITE!)

( Posted by: Nitz Kitty [Member] On: March 31, 2006 )

Kitty's Compliments
Nitz Kitty paid a compliment
is not sure what to do.
Myself, I'd just accept the words
and say a loud 'thank you'.
But Kitty thinks her suitor
just talks a load of shite.
But a quick look in the mirror
would tell her if he's right!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: April 11, 2006 )

Shite Thread
What Kitty Sees

When Kitty looks into the mirror
She sees an old gray cat
Her weight is all behind her now
She knows she's gotten fat

Bright blue eyes have faded
the left has shades of brown
Jowls are a little flabby
Smile has turned into a frown

Empty compliments no longer thrill
The young girl has gotten old
What used to make her horney
Just turns her hard heart cold

Because of all the lies told
to get into her pants
She'd like to see all lying men
covered with Fire Ants

You may think I am bitter
I have a right to be
Someday I might get over it
but for now...don't bother me

( Posted by: Nitz Kitty [Member] On: April 11, 2006 )

Fermented Shite
Fermented now for 30 months
manure should now be ripe.
So spread little on the thread
with everything you type.
Cross fertilize our readers
with this aged heap of dung
and resurect the way you feel
with songs you've not yet sung!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: December 16, 2008 )

Shite Thread
When I cannot see my comments
when taking time to post,
I wonder if you're shite is real
or are you simply ghosts.

For even when I'm writing crap
I like to to take a peep
and see if anybody else
jumps straight into my heap.

As I excreet all my garbage
t'would be really nice to see
if others joined me in the bog
and in my pot would pee!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: December 16, 2008 )

Ivor's Shite
Ivor dear
It's great to hear
You haven't changed a bit
You can take a subject
So foul as shite
Smell like a rose on Lit.
What's shite to me
I must admit
Is not the turdy kind
But folks who think
They know it all
Are enough to drive me to drink!!

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: December 17, 2008 )





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