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The most satisfying jump in artificial intelligence is mostly quite unimportant.
That's right, the most usefull part of a computer's makeup is by far, most unimportant to the way it works.
let's look at how this works...

"COMPUTER!!!!"

"...yes?"

"why the HELL are we sitting adrift in the middle of unoccupied space with not even anything interesting for the damn passengers to LOOK AT!!!!????"

"...."

"WELL???"

"...my maintenamce schedule requires this stop to recallibrate the engines....."


"computer?"

"yes?"

"FUCK YOU!!!!"

"...y...yes sir....."

See? That, by far is the most satifying thing, insulting the computer....and it understanding the insult!
you in the past will be looking forward to this I know....

Anyways, on with our story...this story concerns a certain starship captain, Steven Henry Ignacious Treadwater.
He was not proud of his name....He had tried to change it but his parents, bieng the wonderfull people they were threatened to disown him if he did. And since THEY were worth more than anybody else in the galaxy, maybe even the universe, it was in his best interests to keep the damn thing.

His crew, who thought it was a very funny joke had it put on the door to his office, like this.

Steven
Henry
Ignacious
Treadwater, Captain.

And William the maintenance man, or the head one, had absolutely FORBADE his crew to remove it.
God life was fun! Steven had to have a stiff drink every time he looked at it. which was alot.
And so we find him in his current predicament.
He was stoned, too stoned. the passengers would notice!
He would lose his job!
He would lose his claim on his parents fortune!!!!!!

"Easy now, calm down boy." he said to himself. he decided there was only one chance, one thing to do.
he walked into his kitchen and made himself a cup of tarkellian broth.

So? You say? Well this tarkellian broth was now illegal in over 7 galaxys, and 55,000 worlds. it made strong coffee look like water. It made speed look like sugar. it was used in very small doses to wake coma patients. it never failed.
steve drank a cup, now this cup only held half an ounce, but this. this was still way way way too much.
but, he was very stoned and wasn't thinking.

A funny thing about tarkellian broth, or rather 2 funny things,
1. no-one was really sure where the Tarkellians got it from.
2. As much of a stimulant as it was there was no such thing as a toxic level. the more you took the longer it lasted that's all.

He got up. He went to the observation deck to mingle with the passengers. Brent Phillupps the famous Journalist came up to ask him some questions.
"M.r treadwater? how do you think the ship is handeling?

"theship?"

"yes...."

"ohIthinkit'sallgoingverywellhahaha, Iwastalkingtotheengineroomandtheysaywearenotevenanywhereneartopspeed.
Nowearen'teventaxingher,theengineisbarlyturningover,tousetheoldphrase.
"oh...I see...well I..uh..I've got to go, see you later.

"byebyeseeyoulater.

Maybe, steve thought, at roughly a zillion lightyears per second, he should go back to his rooms.
He walked downt the hall bieng carefull not to run into anybody. Damn they were all looking at him. Slow down... slow down...
He walked into a passenger and sent her flying...he had been walking very fast, it seemed.
he got up and appologized. "Sorry IwastryingtogettothebathroomI'mSOsorry."
Hegot up.
He concentrated on his feet. step...............step...............step............Hey! this wasn't so bad, step..............step..........I't just took a little caution. er, concentration!

"captain?"

"yeahwhatisit?" Oh, maybe he should try to talk normally too...

yes.....what....is.....it?

"uh.....n-nothing...." Edward had seen some strange things, but this Captain Treadwater was wierd. he watched the captain walk back to his rooms. he was walking so slowly, how strange! Maybe he had hurt his back. He wasn't the only person who noticed, everybody was staring at the captain. They were starting to move over to the other side of the hallway. oh,dear.

Steve was impressed! he hadn't guessed that he could act so normal on broth like this! this was easy!
He saw 5, his personal assistant andriod. "hey......5......whats......up?"
"CAPTAIN! whats wrong with you now?"

"huh?......Nothing......just.......trying.......to......get.......back.....to........my........rooms."

"oh, geez, what'd you take this time?"

"......Nothing!........."

"Oh really?"

"yes.....I'm.......fine......can't.......you........see.........that?"

"good lord, captain!" he leaned close to Steve. "captain, he whispered, you are not doing well!"

"I'm.......not?........"

"No"

"you......sure?......."

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

"Oh........I..........thought............everything.........was..........fine..........."

"No, I'm afraid not."

"oh......dear......"

"Let me help you back to your rooms."

".....oh........okay......."

"And stop talking like that for gods sake!!! Your worrying the passengers!!"

"wellhowshoulditalk?"

"Just don't"

-okay-

So with 5's help they walked back to the captains rooms. 5 walking normally and Steve lurching quickly from step to step.
5 was embarrased.


It was a new day, Steve had slept all through the day and night, so to speak. Because on starships there was no day or night. Just bright lights and dim lights. He sat there on the edge of his bed for awhile and tried to think of what he did yesterday.
-what did he do? what, had gone on yesterday?


Oh SHIT!!!!!

"Computer!"

"yes?"

display the security recordings from yesterday!"

"what part?"

"You know what part!!!!"

Steve sat there in his bed, watching.
Oh, god.
-This was embarrasing-
Now what should he do?

5 walked in the room and stood there.
"well?"

"well, what?"

"what the hell did you take?"

"Um.......tarkellian broth I think......."

"how much?"

"I don't remember......How did you get me to sleep like that?"

"Sleep?......SLEEP?!?!?"

"Yeah, how'd you do that?"

CAPTAIN!,you've been in here two days! I locked you in! You've been buzzing around in here like a mosquito, making this....this.....MESS!!!!!

Steve looked around. there were a thousand things out. Things he had started to do and left out when he decided to do something else. The bath had run onto the floor, there were eggs-runny still- in the frying pan, the T.V. was on, the stereo, he had decided to remodel at one point aparently, there was wall paper torn down in one spot and new stuff slapped on in another, power tools out, a canvas, half finished poetry about, his guitar was lying on the bed, taken apart, a large hole in the wall where he had obviously decided to put a closet or something.... a half finished suit he had tried to sew, All in all one hell of a mess. He walked over to the kitchen and turned off the stove, too damn hot!

"Shit!"

5 smiled at this, Steve knew why.

"Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything!"

"........"

"Clean this up. I have some major public relations to do."












Comments

The following comments are for "Treadwater falls"
by wally 5

Treadwater Falls
Are you writing a serialized story here? There seems to be something more to come. This was rather funny - amusing content - but we need more meat - add something for us, ok? Chapter 2?? Pas Deux?

( Posted by: witchy woman [Member] On: March 15, 2006 )





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