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RICOCHET
by Thea (Member) - published: March 8, 2006
Word Count: 50 Word Bytes: 345 Viewed: 252 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by Thea





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I smiled to him after he left.

With no place to rest,
My smile wandered around,
His mind too busy to host
One piece of soul.

My smile got back to me,
Saying I was at fault
For it being so wasted.

It crushed my candour
This smiling boomerang.




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The following comments are for "RICOCHET"
by Thea

Neat trick
A small, barely-tangible thing to seize upon and render into poetry: this unhomed pigeon-fluttering smile. You write it very well. 'It crushed my candour' is particularly good, as I find I know exactly what you mean. To me, it might make more sense to open with smiling to him 'as' he leaves - giving the smile at least a hope of landing. But perhaps the acknowleged futility was part of your intention.

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: March 8, 2006 )

neat trick
Thanks for your comment. If it was "as he was leaving" she would have noticed that very moment it was waisted. I thought that "after he left" gave her more hope..only to crash it later.

( Posted by: Thea [Member] On: March 9, 2006 )

Wasted Smile
A 'wasted smile'; good stuff. - Carl

( Posted by: cjmiller [Member] On: March 12, 2006 )





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