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--they've landed more ...--

Stars dim sky bright. Look.
Drink wine, cry, static fills room
aliens came Auburn gone.





By: David E. Howerton




[02/19/2006]


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Coyote Laughs so begins his favorite game
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The following comments are for "--they've landed more ...--"
by bhagwandave

sighting?
I liked this a lot because of the short phrases and the opened-ended feeling of it. However, I think that if you're going to use such short phrases you might want to be much more aware of the importance of each word. For example, "Look." sort of has a place in the poem, but I feel like it doesn't add a lot to the overall image the poem is trying to create.

In contrast, I felt like "static fills room" really helped build an image in my mind.

Definitely a good piece to build on, I think. :)

Amanda

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: February 20, 2006 )





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