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The moon smiles
like a witless hag

rises from
the gutters rim

and stirs tomorrow
into vowel shaped clouds.

She paces
the thin corners

of this naked room.

Threads spider bones
through gaping streets

mais la lune
ne garde acune rancune.

And somewhere
you grow beautiful
at her touch

and whisper
bittersweet lies

to the depths
of this shattered night.









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Comments

The following comments are for "Whores"
by eliot

Whores
I wish I understood french, but I can say the English is exquisite. Rang beautifully rich in my ears.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: February 16, 2006 )

eliot/dylan?/john "Whores"
John- Welcome to Lit. An eclectic array at this wondrous place, you'll find.

Enjoyed your initial submission. Visited your linked site. Did you, as 'dylan,' also pen: "Under the Bodhi Tree"..?..Very nice.

Am Scot and Irish, maternally, paternal side, Sicilian..Good to hear 'voice,' from on Clyde.

Again, welcome,
Robert William, aka: Bobby7L

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: February 16, 2006 )

Whores
Thanks to everyone for the welcome and very kind comments.
Hi Bobby-I did indeed write "Under the Bodhi Tree"-penname is Dylan on another site.

( Posted by: eliot [Member] On: February 17, 2006 )

More Auden than eliot
... and the better for it, I'd say. This is good stuff, it really is: a joy to read. Third stanza far and away my favourite. I might try 'la lune ne garde jamais acune rancune', since neither 'mais' nor 'puis' rings right for me. But Lucie's French is better by far than mine!

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: February 17, 2006 )

Hi
Hi.

A read ,very light, on the eye. A small point : why not 'consonant'clouds rather than 'vowel shaped".Trips off the tongue much easier , among other things.

( Posted by: RJKT [Member] On: February 17, 2006 )

Thanks
Again, grateful thanks for the comments.
My French is not great, so thanks to everyone for the suggestions.

( Posted by: eliot [Member] On: February 18, 2006 )





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