And there was an evening and a morning, a fourth day.
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And God said, “Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures. I’ll be standing back here.” And God created the great sea monsters, as well as lots of smaller fishes and stuff, many of which are quite tasty. “And let birds fly above the earth across the firmament of the heavens,” God continued. “I’ll be right over here under this tree. I forgot My hat today.” And God saw that it was good.
“This chicken salad is to die for, but it needs a little salt.”
And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas; and let the birds multiply on the earth because I don’t want them multiplying up in the firmament of the heavens where everybody can see it. Go find some shrubbery already.”
And there was an evening and a morning, a fifth day.
And God said, “Thank Me it’s Friday! Man, this has been a beastly week”.
And God said, “Contract, schmontract! I’m not doing any more Sundays… Fine, I’ll accept worship and adoration but I’m not promising any miracles. I can’t be everywhere at once. What? I’m contractually obligated to be omnipresent? Murray, you’re always overpromising. I guess I’m supposed to be omnipotent too. I was kidding. I hope you’re kidding. You’re not kidding. Thanks for nothing, Murray!”
And God smote His cell phone.
And God said, “I can’t believe I’m not getting overtime for this. Let the earth bring forth living creatures of all kinds- cattle and creepy things and great beasts. I like great beasts, yet they can be troublesome- like my Son.”
And God made the beasts and the cattle and the creepy things.
And God said, “Would you beasts please refrain from eating one another until I’m done creating you? I shall not allow these beasts to make a monkey out of Me. Maybe I should make Man out of a monkey. I should just let you evolve yourselves from now on. Hey, that’s not just a plan- it’s an intelligent design. I’m out of here! After this I’ve got just a handful of Old Testament bookings and then My troublesome Son can take over.”
And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.
And God rested over the weekend.
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"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."
- Ralph 'Where's Waldo' Emerson
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
- Bilbo Baggins