Lights left on
by MobiusSoul (Member) - published: January 30, 2006
Word Count: 17 Word Bytes: 110 Viewed: 529 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by MobiusSoul

9.33

(3 votes)

Rating	Rated by

10	hazelfaern

8	Myth

10	rcallaci

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You ask me
Why I close my eyes

I say
Because I know
You won't close yours.

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Comments

The following comments are for "Lights left on"
by MobiusSoul

eyes
Yep.
Men are visual.
They don't close their eyes.
At least, mine doesn't.

The poetry is in what's not said.

Thank you for this intimacy.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: January 30, 2006 )

Lights left on
Sweet. This is very personal. (I always peek hee hee)

( Posted by: Peresphone2006 [Member] On: January 30, 2006 )

Ah, yes
Lovely. Both in meaning and execution.

But do you need the word, "Because"?

I think it might be even more of a perfect, little vase of a poem without it.

( Posted by: andyhavens [Member] On: January 30, 2006 )

Beautifully crafted
Beautiful and concise. I love little snippets like this that say so much with so few well-placed words.

( Posted by: Reiko Korin [Member] On: January 30, 2006 )

Less is more & more is more"
This piece is powerful in its simplicity. I have to agree with Andy, if you do remove "because" it becomes even greater. You could thus reduce the second stanza to two lines as well.

( Posted by: poliarch [Member] On: January 30, 2006 )

lights left on Mobiussoul
I think the word because makes more sense when I read it than without it. I do not know anything technical like the rest of these better writers than me. I am just saying what sounds right to my ear.

( Posted by: castanedalupe [Member] On: January 31, 2006 )

Lucie, Perseph', Andy, Reiko, Poli', Cast'lupe....
... Woo... I wondered if anyone would respond to this! Now I'm one happy poet. It was, obviously, an experiment in leaving-things-unsaid - not always my strong point. But with such a first line, I decided I could either write a terrible, clumsy poem, or, perhaps, not-write a better one. So if that's how it reads, then I feel appropriately smug :)

Andy, Lino... it would be a surprisingly /different/ poem without 'because'. An equally valid one, and yes, more pleasingly ceramic in its form. But I think I want to keep the yin/yang completeness of question and answer ('why/because'): I like the neat circularity it lends to a poem this short. Which is just a smart-alec way of saying I agree with Castanedalupe - in poetry, the 'what sounds right' idiot-savant approach always works better for me than worrying away at a technically-perfect haiku or villanelle. Maybe I'm just lazy. But I also feel, obscurely, that without 'because', there'd be a note of confrontation in the exchange, which isn't what I wanted.

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: February 1, 2006 )

Because Because
(Sighs) Men.

Although I rarely find myself disagreeing with Andy, I have to say I really, really like this poem the way it is -- with that one word "because" intact. I think your instincts are absolutely on target, C.

This is such a perfect gem of a little poem. It rocks my socks off.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: February 18, 2006 )

M-Soul Alight
Caitlin- Bravo!...

Agree with Jennifer, regarding 'because.'

If had to clip one word, would be 'me,' if three would omit, 'I say,' as well. That's just me, not suggestion. It's cool, as is.

Compress on..

On point,
7L

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: February 18, 2006 )

as I close my eyes
Short poetry at its finest. This exquisite piece speaks volumes. Quite lovely..

Stay with the because- it fits so well

my warmest
bob

( Posted by: rcallaci [Moderator] On: February 18, 2006 )

Hazelfaern, B7L, Bob - light left yet?
Thank you, all... I did rather like this one - indulgently, just for myself, so I love it all the more that you did too!
Bobby... interesting: 3-fewer words render this another very different poem with a whole new tone of charming ambiguity... that's actually kinda cool :)

you ask
why I close my eyes

because I know
you won't close yours.

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: February 20, 2006 )

lights left on
I like looking through the lit vaults but will only comment on old poems I like from active members.

I read this and liked its simplicity and implicitness - if that makes any sense...

Didn't allow myself to read anyone's comments because I didn't want that to affect my overall enjoyment of this poem. I'm sure it was all positive.

I wish I could put so much into so few words.

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: October 17, 2007 )

develado - nice summation
'simplicity and implicitness' - I like that. It's very pleasing to have someone bother to read my back-catalog, so thank you. There's so little time for that sort of thing in this too-busy life. (It's the difference between me skimming the book reviews in the weekly newspaper and ordering up an author's whole oeuvre from the local library. I'll only do that if I really think it'll be worth my time...)

Oh, and this poem revives pleasant memories, so thanks for that also. Now, slightly more-smiling, back to the workday...

( Posted by: mobiussoul [Member] On: October 18, 2007 )

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