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I am going home. It's been a long day. I feel quite tired. I did some shopping. I'm carrying my favourite food. One can feel that the autumn has started. The wind is cooler and stronger. It is touching my face with his cold fingers. Fortunately my home is near already. It's getting dark. I am looking forward to being at my cosy home.

Hmmm, now the crossroads and then the way down. I can take the shortcut past the cemetery. But the path is dark. There are no lights. On the other hand it is much shorter. I don't believe in ghosts or something, hehehe. But last year someone throttled a young girl there. They found her in the morning completely cold and white. Brrrr. But on the other hand it's shorter. I'd say about fifteen minutes. Well, but I won't risk. I am a prudent person. So farewell ghosts and murderers. Let's take the longer and safer way. With lights on. Hehehe, what a bold fellow I am. Let's go.

The street is quite empty. It's quite late but cars are still driving. What a day today. I've managed to do many things. But I still need to do more tomorrow. Look, my favourite shop. Closed already, of course, but there are lights in the window. So many nice things. OK, let's cross the street. Gosh, that car have so many lights and is driving like crazy. Hey, are you mad? You're going to hit down that pedestrian. I must help him!!!

Hello, are you all right, sir? He seems to have lost consciousness and fell down in this little dark side street. What to do, what to do. Heeelp, heeelp! Anybody here? If only I remembered the first aid procedure. How was that, how was that? Press on the heart a few times then breathe into his mouth. Damn! His heart is not beating, he is so cold. And what's this??? Ugh!, it's blood. He is bleeding from his mouth. What teeth he has! Aaaaa, he grabbed my hand. Who are you???

Don't worry my dear. Thank you for saving me from that hunter in the car. I won't hurt you. On the contrary. I would like to offer you something in return. I can give you a night flight. You can see any part of the city and look at anyone's home. Are you interested what people are doing? Your friends, boss, enemies? Or just have a nice view of the autumn city? Eh? What do you think my friend?

I don't know. It's cold and late. I was thinking about my warm house. It's very nice of you. I am glad you are OK, ehm, but I'd rather go home.

Don't be afraid, my dear friend. I have a long warm coat for both of us. It won't take long and I'll drop you at your house. Look, this is a friendly offer. I won't force you but you will miss a lot. That's for sure.

- And can we see the whole city, any place?
- As you wish. I can take you anywhere and fast.
- All right, let's try it for a while but not for long.
- I'll take you home when you wish. As I promised. Let's hit the air. Take my hand and hold it tight. Hooooooooooo. Where first?

Take my over the city and fly high. Yooooooo. That's beautiful. The lights are shining. The windows look like yellow eyes and the cars are moving like a phosphoric snake. What about that place over there? What's that? So much light and still looking busy.

It is a hospital. They are always busy. Here people are born and die here. And it's full of blood. Let's take a closer look. See this is a room with new born babies. They are so innocent, soft and that velvet skin. Not like the worn out adults. Just touch this little cute baby with sweet blood.

- You are not going to ...
- Not tonight. OK, let's move up to see other places.

Look, school. I know that building very well. It's my favourite. Almost everyone has spent a lot of time there, learnt many things and met interesting people. And over there in the computer lab someone is still studying, searching the Internet. Well, the exams are coming soon. What a lovely time. Haha.

Hmmmm. But there are other students over there. Not getting ready for the exams but having fun at disco. They do not need to study like that "honest" student. They have got the exam questions and answers thus being ready. Hehe. You know, connections. There are basically three groups of people: geniuses, average and the others. The majority are average. They can do many kinds of jobs, popular jobs and unpopular jobs. So often it's not what you know, it's who you know which matters when it comes to getting a good job.

- You are cynical.
- I am pragmatic. Never mind. Let's continue the journey.

Look, there is the place where I work. It looks that my boss is still there. What a hard working man. Well, he has three children, a large house, a few cars. He needs to work pretty hard.

- Oh yes. He seems to be working very hard with his sexy busty secretary. A poor man.
- Why's that?
- I have tasted her blood. It's bitter. She has a disease. Let's move on.

What a lovely part of the city. Old and new houses with gardens, nice architecture. One day I may live here. But I can hear some noise. Shouting and screaming. That's unpleasant at this quiet night.

Well, two old people live there. Retired already. At home most of the time. Many years ago they made love at this time, now they have a cabin fever.

- Are you always so sceptical and pessimistic, always seeing the half empty glass?
- And you are always so cheerful and optimistic, always seeing the half full glass?
- Do you have a favourite things or places at all?
- Of course. I'll show you.
- What's that? That dark spot below?
- Don't you recognize it? It's a graveyard which people usually avoid at night.
- Avoid?
- Don't ask me.

- What's over there?
- The house of the cemetery administrator, great manager.
- Great manager?
- Yes, he has hundreds of people under him. And the mortuary is over there. I like to rest here.
- No doubt about that, with your attitude. Brrrrrr.
- Why this disgust? A mortuary is a place of equals. Homeless man dead of coldness here, a celebrity dead of heart attack next to him.

- I feel cold, hungry and sleepy. I want to go home.
- OK. We've seen enough. You'll return to this place sometime again anyway. I'll take you home as I promised.
- I will navigate you.
- Do you think I need it? We are nearly there.

- How many years have you been flying like this?
- A couple of hundreds.
- And aren't you ashamed that you are watching people's private lives?
- Well, you know, from this perspective the people and animals look the same. I only feel their blood.

- So, we are here. Thank you very much for the night flight. It was very interesting.
- You know what?
- What?
- After this long flight I've got quite thirsty !!! ...

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The following comments are for "The Night Flight"
by yirco

...Frankly, in all honesty, it just wasn't very good...

There was no climax, no main plot, and the dialogue got mixed into the body of the story...

Don't use dashes for dialogue, use these nice fellows "_____" when there is speaking.

It needed some sort of truth to it. "I must help him!!!" With several exclamation marks, followed by a proceeding paragraph of which you leave the readers to guess what happened.

Imagination is great, but not when you leave something required out of the picture entirely. At some points, you have no idea what's going on as a reader.

Nice use of vocabulary, but during some sections it's hard to tell if even you understand what's happening.

The dialogue changed constantly in topic, as at one point they are talking about optomism and half empty versus half full glasses, followed by the next sentence asking about a persons favorite place.

I suppose my main point is simply that the characters seem almost robotic, ready to change topic no matter what they are feeling.

If you were to re-work this, I'd have the paragraphs link better, and the dialogue relate more so to realism.

If a person is afraid of taking the dark path, they aren't going to get in a car for a 'night ride' with a complete stranger either...

( Posted by: carnifex [Member] On: January 28, 2006 )

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