Down
by verve (Member) - published: January 22, 2006
Word Count: 94 Word Bytes: 771 Viewed: 754 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by verve

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Broken landscapes of memory
in digital linguistic imagery;
a plethora of snapshots,
emotions and half-thoughts:
for your reading displeasure,
this threnody of small measure.

Slow and gloomy winter nights,
window gazing at city lights;
low in spirits, high on death,
time spent wasted until last
breath.

A lively snowman and his castle,
standing alone on patches of
lifeless brown December grass;
its autonomous melting kingdom
makes me smile sadly as I pass.

The slush-filled streets now silent,
and late-night neon quite violent;
stars twinkling behind clouds dark,
homeward bound through the frozen park.

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Comments

The following comments are for "Down"
by verve

Down verve
My preference is for close-ups, rather than long shots or wide angles. So I favour the end over the beginning of this, from the snowman on, where the speaker participates in the landscape.

The line "time spent wasted until last breath" sends me into a coughing fit. I categorically reject this line. It's either spent or it's wasted. If it's spent, then the outcome is good. If it's wasted, the outcome is not so good. Just my undedrstanding of it...

"homeward bound": so hope the homeless are indoors too on a night like this...

"lifeless brown December grass": love this line!!! It reads well, it speaks even better, and it images crisp and clean, fresh, not trite.

Thanks for the seasonal glimpse.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: January 23, 2006 )

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