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“I realize that our latest product offering is controversial, but consider that ten percent of our profits will be donated to alleviate collateral damage to Iranians from the bombing of suspected nuclear sites.”- Will Gayettes, addressing MacroHard shareholders’ meeting, 201? A.D.
“Laptop Dancer”- Peripheral; A virtual hand, available in feminine or masculine, which gyrates and occasionally gropes upon the lap of the user with an online connection to a paid service, usually in conjunction with a synchronized video image. An optional left hand is coming soon. Programs are reputedly available to provide “massage to completion”, with graphic video imaging.
Gayettes denied any involvement with these more lurid arrangements.
“Our Laptop Dancer is merely a tease, just like a real lap dancer- Well, most of them”, stated Gayettes
Gayettes would neither confirm nor deny rumors of an upcoming ad campaign featuring a computer-reanimated George Burns proclaiming, “Oh, God! That’s great hand!”
A cottage industry of ‘hand hackers’ has already arisen, providing a variety of physical and software modifications to suit the varied tastes of ‘palm pilots’- users of the Laptop Dancer.
Gayettes warned against the use of non-genuine software or hardware, stating, “We’re MacroHard. We’ve got you by the- That is, you’re in good hand”.
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."
- Ralph 'Where's Waldo' Emerson
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
- Bilbo Baggins