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Youíre so lucky, he tells her. Youíre so thin. Youíll never know what itís like to be fat, to need to diet. Iím overweight; I have been all of my life. Youíll never see those large, disappointing numbers on the scale that only seem to grow as my diet continues. The weight never goes away, the teasing voices never stop. You never hear that. You donít have to live on salads and Slim Fast drinks, and youíll never feel the guilt I do when tempted by that Snickers bar. Youíll never understand the embarrassment that comes with changing in the locker room, or how hard I try to hide my extra weight. Everyone looks at me with judgmental eyes, seeing no deeper than my fat, and improvement seems impossible.

Iím lucky? Iím thin? She questions. Iíll never know? Youíll never know. You donít spend hours staring at the scale through red, teary eyes, begging for the numbers to change. You donít lean over the toilet with fingers shoved down your throat, desperately trying to flush your problems away. That tempting Snickers bar will be swallowed with guilt, only to come right back up when I lock the bathroom door. Youíll never understand the embarrassment that comes with that habit, or how hard I try to hide my gagging sounds as the heaves splash into the water. When you reach your goal, Iíll still be counting calories. When they stop teasing you, the voices in my head will still be telling me I can never be thin enough.

Youíre so lucky. Youíll never know what itís like.

------
xoxo Laur


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The following comments are for "Egocentric."
by Lauren

fat and thin
i dont understand why fat people are always sad. Happiness is doing what you like, often. And fat people like to eat. There you have it, happiness. A lot of the best people ive met in my life are fat. And people with eating disorders are just plain retarded.

( Posted by: draco [Member] On: January 16, 2006 )





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