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For what it's worth, I'm trying to express what I lost words for a year ago. You have brought forth a plethora of emotion which I feel I understand, but can't express, verbally because there simply aren't words to describe them--it's not that I can't find them, they simply don't exist.

First off:

'What is love?'

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

'What does this mean?'

Well, there's more to it, I think, than simply those things, but it's more than a good start. Love is described by many as sacrifice; the problem is, they set no limit nor provide any description toward what is okay to sacrifice and what isn't. In my case, I sacrifice small things. I'm indifferent to what sheets go on our bed, so it's not a sacrifice to say that it's your decision whether or not to buy the rather cute red and white striped jersey style sheets. For me, most sacrifices described and often expected are moot in my life because I don't have anything concrete to give up, such as specific career goals or places I intend to live, anymore. Those have come and gone. Right now, I'm floating in a see of questions. However, I don't expect you to be my liferaft. I, however, would love for you to be my swimming partner.

'Why do you put up with me?'

Well, that's a stupid question: I don't put up with you, I love you. I have never and will never say 'I love you, but...' There are few things in this world that could make me try to drive you away, and even fewer that would actually make me stop loving you.

'What is monogamy?'
Rather, why is unmarried monogamy necessary?

I have no real answer for that one, other than why I feel I do it. You know the answer to that one, however silly it may seem.

'I'm not cut out for honesty...'

That's not true. You're not USED to honesty, there's quite a difference. You're direct, straightforward, and articulate; you'll be quite the lawyer someday, and I think these qualities, when matched with honesty and truthfulness, can lead to a very healthy, functional relationship. However, when you're not used to functional relationships, the things you feel are alien to you, and it can lead to a lot of uncertainty. Please know that I understand why you're confused, and because I want you to be happy, I want you to understand what makes you happy, and why. I love you, and feel that we're to be together for the rest of our lives. Take what you will with that, my heart is yours. There are things that would make me leave you--doubt is not one of them. You're my best friend, and I support you, no matter what, Angel.

I'm sorry for when I've fallen short of what's right. I do my best (and more) to be the person for you that I wish I could be for everyone. You don't make me want to be a better person, or whatever the cliché is; you give me the chance to exercise the desire I already have, and I thank you.

If I've neglected anything, forgive me. I know what I DID put is probably mostly incoherent.

I love you, Angel.
End of line.

-William A. Corder

------
'He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise.'
-Lao Tzu

'Tomorrow will take us away,
Far from home--
No one will ever know our names,
But the bards' songs will remain.
Tomorrow, all will be known,
And You're not alone,
So don't be afraid
In the dark and cold
'Cause the bards' songs will remain.
They all will remain
In my thoughts and in my dreams
They're always in my mind....
Come close Your eyes;
You can see them, too.'
Blind Guardian,
The Bard's Song: Into the Forest


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