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I stand
staring
at a cage, its sole
occupant ensnared
inside. It seemed
Insulted that
it might by trapped
within this
iron skin; it
longed lustily for its
former habits
of the wild; to hunt
and run, fight and mate.
On closer inspection
I saw that deep, once bleeding
Wounds stood gaurd over
its strongest muscles,
so as to insure the
saftey of its master, namley
me. The bleeding had long
since stopped, but the
pain it was clear was
still all there.
People often say I'm
cruel to the thing, but
you cannot imagine this
thing free.
A creature like this one,
strong and beatiful,
powerful and proud
is not safe in this
society; the power and
strength
frighten friends,
and the beauty
makes enemies from envy.
it would be
killed
for sport,
fun,
or laughter,
slaughter
or out of fear;
"It needs the freedom" some
say, but they
can't imagine this thing free,
so beat it and keep it
here in this cage close to me.
Honestly, it just gets in
the way of mylife, i'd
like it to die. It frightens
even I who have been with it
so long; there is a deep hatred
beginning to runs through its veins.
It wants to be free; to fufill its
wildest dreams. I wish it would
just learn that these are
mearly fleeting dreams it
will never have; if for no
other reason, than because of
me.
after this contemplation,
something new happened:
I looked it in the eye.





I fell to the ground,
screaming in pain
my soul bleeding again
for the first time
since I'd forced it
into that damn cage.


"My soul longs for release,
but those around me refuse."
A little boy told that to
me just now;
I think that it was
me.

------
"You have lied to me, my dear Morpheous, and I have ended our little game; I wonder if I fear the truth more than your lies?"
-TRA


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Comments

The following comments are for "Soul occupant"
by The Recycled Avatar

good use of analogy
I find it very difficult to critique poetry because it is so subjective. But let me have a go.....

I like the thought shifts in this piece and the use of analogy. The comparisons between a caged beast and the supressed child are clever.

My only complaint here is that you seem to use present tense and past tense interchangeably. In my (most humble) opinion, I think the flow of the poem would have been more effective if you'd stuck to one or the other.

appleblossom

( Posted by: appleblossom [Member] On: September 7, 2002 )

to The Recyled Avatar
Hmph, I have nothing against the poem, nor its subject but the format makes is really hard to read.

You have an excellent concept here but some of the lines breaks in what I consider really odd places and interrupts, or prematurely ends, or continues thoughts in an arbitrary manner. I think you can break lines, but in better places.

For example:"saftey of its master, namley
me. The bleeding had long " While trying to infer that "me" caused the bleeding, the word namely implies a continuity that was suddenly stopped, and the bleeding part becomes unfinished since you continued with "since stopped". As a result, losing some of its impact.

Anyways, my two cents, great poetic concept.

( Posted by: Furius [Member] On: September 8, 2002 )





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