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I am from a race of people, that was considered a super human race from long ago. I have lived for many centuries. My people possess the secret of eternal life. Atlantis, long gone, but never forgotten. At the time Atlantis thrived, I was a high priest, so I had access to all the secrets and knowledge that Atlantis had obtained. But, the secret of eternal life, was mine, and mine alone because of my status, I was the only one that really knew the secret. So, I have lived history for many many years.
I, vividly remember the day of the demise of Atlantis. I remember, I was in the temple, and the earth started violently shaking. I was one of the lucky few, lucky enough to make as escape. I was watching, when a monstrous tsunami, totally engulfed the island, I watched as my home sunk into the ocean's depths. Until this very day, access to Atlantis is impossible, because Atlantis now resides in a deep crevasse, as it sits on the ocean floor. If mankind, even attempted to reach the depths of the city, the water pressure, would cause them to immediately implode.
After the total demise of Atlantis, a few of us survived, going our different ways throughout the world. Some made it as far as Mexico, Britain, South America, and my newly adopted home in Egypt. Gosh, living here sure is different from life in Atlantis.
The land, I choose to remain in at this time, was very primitive. So primitive, I had to step in and introduce the people to new ideas. My brothers and sisters from Atlantis, they chose other lands, thinking the same thing as me, making life as simple as can be. Just look around at all the ancient devices, the pyramids, and all the ancient wonders. Could ancient man have achieved this on their own? I think not. The Pharaoh at this time in Egypt, made me his royal doctor and architect. With these titles, I had the power to bring the simple lifestyle of the Egyptians, to one which was much more advanced.
I chose to serve the kingdom of Egypt, because the people here really showed a lot of potential. Egyptians are very religious so after a while, they looked at me as a mortal God. I could never let my secret be known, because mankind would have imprisoned me, because I was far more advanced, this would have been done, in an attempt to learn all my secrets.
To make my transition easier, I let Pharaoh think I was some kind of genius. I introduced the architecture of the pyramids, and the Sphinx was built, to guard the Giza Plateau. Others from Atlantis, introduced other ancient nations to pyramids and other things, causing mankind to think they were some sort of genius.
When I escaped Atlantis, I had the opportunity to grab a few papyrus, these hold secrets, that mankind, during this point in their evolution, would never understand. I guard these, with my very life, because some of the secrets written down, were for my eyes only. So, I took it upon myself to protect these most important documents.
As, I am the one that designed the Sphinx, I know all the secrets of this majestic guardian. Right between the front paws of the Sphinx, there is a small hidden room. I added the room, to help protect ancient Egyptian secrets I put valuable documents here to protect them, and hope when found, mankind will have evolved enough to understand them.
Not only do I maintain the secret to eternal life, I can change my appearance at will. Alexander the Great, Imhotep, Einstein, ever wonder where they obtained their great knowledge? They were me. These are but a few of the identities, I have taken through out history.
And now here I am today, not being able to watch history, but live it. I can't tell you the name I use today, because then my identity would be known, but I can tell you, I live in Alaska and help in the study of whales.
For five thousand years, the secrets of life and the universe, have been kept safe, Hidden at the feet of the Sphinx. I don't think even modern man can get to the scrolls, that contain all these marvelous secrets. Throughout history, my true identity has remained a secret. Modern man is very curious and I refuse to be a lab rat. So, I will infinitely go on, with such secrets buried deep within my soul.

Lanaia Lee

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The following comments are for "Idenity"
by abbey74

Okay. You seem like a good writer, I mean you can be mysterious all right and I can see where you're going and this is an interesting subject.

But I can see some areas for improvement. Take these lines from the first paragraph: “My people possess the secret of eternal life.”… “But, the secret of eternal life, was mine, and mine alone because of my status, I was the only one that really knew the secret.” This seems a bit contradictory.

You also need to watch the adverbs. These are all lines from the same paragraph: “I, vividly remember…” and “...the earth started violently shaking.” And “…a monstrous tsunami, totally engulfed the island.” And “…the water pressure, would cause them to immediately implode.” Keep in mind that you actually don't need to use adverbs. If you remember something vividly, show me how vividly you remember it. Show me buildings falling on huddled children or whatever. Details can keep us away from adverbs.

( Posted by: paperbackwriter [Member] On: December 10, 2005 )

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