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AUTHOR'S QUOTE: "This is part six of 'Doggerel Tails', the soon to end sequel to 'Doggerel Show'. Previous episodes may be found in 'related items' below. Enjoy at your own risk."

* * *

So off to court we went- well I went with Peeve in my coat pocket lined with some old washcloths (my pocket was lined with them, not Peeve). Peeve was wearing a diaper for a doll baby. They weren’t cheap- and he’ll probably outgrow them before he needs one again. Maybe I can use the rest of them for coasters.

We… I entered the courtroom and sat down. I saw a guy in a suit with a briefcase who looked familiar. (The guy looked familiar not the briefcase or the suit.) At first I thought he was the guy from that ‘Sceam’ painting but he wasn’t screaming or holding his head and he was wearing glasses and the scream guy doesn’t at least not in the picture and then I realized it was Ken Starr the special star prosecutor. I didn’t expect him to be here for this!

The man defending Longfellow was some little guy from PETA who looked like he was trying to survive on just vegetables or something. Plus he didn’t even have a suit or a briefcase just a shoebox and a grocery bag (paper not plastic) for his stuff not that he seemed to be able to find anything not even a good witness without Longfellow’s owner showing up but that part wasn’t his fault. I had found out that she (Longfellow’s owner) had been detained without a hearing by Social Security not Homeland Security for lying on her AARP application but that didn’t do me or Longfellow any good right now. Things were looking pretty bad for Longfellow and I figured it was probably going even worse for the old man because I hadn’t been able to locate Dr. Jackal either.

Then Starr rose and exclaimed (see punctuation), “Your honor, I would like to call the mule as a witness!”

“This is highly unusual, but I will allow it”, pronounced the judge. “Please bring the mule forward”. The man with the mule led the mule forward and then he (the mule) sat next to the witness stand and the man (with the mule) went and sat back down (without the mule).

Starr leaned in close, eye to eye with the mule. “Are you now or have you ever been the symbol of a political party?”

The mule stared back silently, unblinking.

Starr strode to the defense table and picked up a large cubical object draped in cloth and returned before the mule, setting the cube on the witness stand. He dramatically whipped the cloth away, revealing a cage containing what appeared to be a huge tailless rat with sharp claws and a white racing stripe down the top of its head. It smelled really bad.

“I object!” the skinny guy from PETA shouted, leaping to his feet. “The prosecutor is badgering the witness!”

Starr lunged at the mule and shouted “Boo!” The mule stared back unflinchingly. I think he (Starr) wanted to scare the poop out of the mule like at the dog show. I’m not sure why.

“Your honor, I move that the mule be declared a stubborn witness!” Starr declared.

The mule spit a massive and gelatinous wad of phlegm in Starr’s face.

“And hostile as well!” shouted Starr.

The mule then rose and began to return to his master. As he passed Starr he excreted a pungent pile upon the prosecutor’s shoes.

“Mr. Starr, remove that foul-smelling creature from my courtroom immediately!” the judge instructed sternly. “ We don’t need any stinking badgers. Bailiff, go get a shovel and strike the mule’s testimony. We’ll take a ten minute recess.”

I hadn’t even noticed a playground on the way in.

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"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."

- Ralph 'Where's Waldo' Emerson

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
- Bilbo Baggins

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The following comments are for "Doggerel Tails part six Bad Juror"
by drsoos

I Witnessed Badgering!
soos- Piehole exercised. Stomach hurts.

Getting away with murder, again..I love it.

Gone to Doggerels,

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: November 28, 2005 )

When Prosecutors Attack

Thanks again, Bobby. Fiction is at times... I'm not sure- underrated, undervalued, misunderstood like a creative online author?

I'm not complaining. I owe a 2nd look and/or a comment or 2 on some things I looked over (but did not overlook) before.


( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: November 29, 2005 )

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