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Why cannot two rivers become one
When a damned heart has burst forth
And the water has no direction to take
Why cannot two paths be chosen
To avoid a pricking by the rose
Or the stripping of her pedals
Beautiful one, do your thoughts
Linger as mine?
Lover, will you know the lengths
For which I have died for you?
Tell me not to make sacrifice
I am a martyr to my own love
Oh what is a boy to do



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Comments

The following comments are for "Heart"
by Virtex

Hmmm
I like the poem, i truly do, yet the last lines throw off the vibe of the whole poem. It started out great, the lines
"To avoid a pricking by the rose
Or the stripping of her pedals "
are well thought, and have many subtle thoughts.

The next line, of lingering, is an illusion, but the next lines pick it from the descent. The last line , of a boy, is were i would make a few minor changes.

Perhaps:
Tell me not to make sacrifice
I am a martyr to my own love
My path has undoubtedly been set,
Yet, may two rivers not become one?

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: November 9, 2005 )





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