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Okay so this is the prologue to my new novel, the blue moon necklace, Please read and review! comments and corrections are needed in a good novel so please leave what you think would make this flow better! Remember if you review i will return the favor! ;) count on it.


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Prologue:

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Distinct colors were cast upon the sky, hiding the simple everyday blueness. Reds fought the warmth ness of the oranges as they fought the violets to win over the sky. Like a battle, it could go either way, and either way it went it would still be beautiful. At this time the land was cloaked with shadows creeping over every crack and hole there was. It was merely five p.m. and everyone had returned home, waiting for the new day to begin.

At night people prayed, hoping they would see another gorgeous sunset. Unlike the old days, this era didnít have that relaxing pleasure of staying out until their energy was used up. They all knew what was happening, the world was swallowing itself in; the beast was now consuming itself.

Another depression had swept the world; this one would end everything all together. Those who were smart stayed in, knowing behind the safeness of their walls and shotguns lay robbers, rapist, and even serial killers.

In some places the nation still stayed the same, authorities were there to hold up the city standards, children were pushed to stay in school, and hospitals still ran. Everyone that lived in one of those cities were lucky, they didnít have to see the poverty of the world, they were protected, unlike those who were living life on their scraps of food.

Kiria was one of those lucky enough to live in a town just like her parents, and their parents had grown up in. Although she had what she wanted, a simple life, one normal to everyone else around her, the fact was that her fate was unlike most. She would have to make a choice in the near future, and fight her way to find another ending for her story. Kiria was one chosen to give the world a second chance, and all she did was refuse.


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If only...I could last til winter


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Comments

The following comments are for "The blue moon necklace"
by starmaiden

Promising
The scene has been set quite nicely but the prologue does suffer from one of my own shortcomings - over description. I have some friends who read my ramblings and help me to reduce my descriptions hence helping narrative flow.

Fortunately, unlike me, your overdescription is confined to your first paragraph. The rest is fine and I look forward to your next posting and I hope Kiria ends up doing the right thing!

( Posted by: YernasiaQuorelios [Member] On: February 6, 2006 )

starmaiden
Interesting. As for Lee Allen: The Bounty Hunter, it's a novel, it is long - but reads well. I have other, shorter pieces. I read about your dream on your site; intriguing. It could be a lot of things. As a prolific writer it could merely be your dark side trying to come through in your writing, it could be your subconscience trying to entertain and stimulate your imagination. Whatever it is, remember that it is your dream! You are in control! Never let fear paralyze you. - that sounds like a great story!

( Posted by: kmrdgrs326 [Member] On: May 1, 2006 )





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