Sometimes, and only then, I fall victim to this life.
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No simple illusion is my prison, no, it seems thread, woven tight, binds me hither.
"If it is life I seek then life itself shall seek me also" I've said this many a time, and many a time I curse it.
My first phrase, the catalyst, states that I have fallen victim to something. That is not in total earnestness,
in part, I have contributed to this dilemma. Truthfully, I am (partially) the sole reason for my own meager
existence and I am (again partially) at fault of my own characteristics. Of course my dear reader, my parents,
both those biological and not, are also to blame for my creation, but let's accept the fact I was born and move on.
If one states, he is aloof, arrogant, full of hatred and contempt or in a positive verse, he is wise beyond years,
defiant of customs and rebel of conservatism, both state that I am nothing but a conjunction of my own traits,
a concoction of my own design. So in fact and in matter, I am created by own standards, regardless of influence
of others. My life is rooted deep in my own soul, my life is a simple voice of deeper grounds in which my parents
planted my (actually theirs) seed. So when my voice feels trapped by its own creation (life) is it my fault?
So when I fall victim to myself, or to life, whichever is chosen as the due word, then how do I undo, or at least
take away, that which I have caused upon myself?
A song, to which I grant my approval, states once, "It's a lie, a kiss with open eyes." The song is perfect to explain
my own thoughts. What is a kiss if not expression of emotion is its unabrigded form? A kiss is the only
moment when a human forgets its inhibitions, is purged of doubt and any other sentiments except that of
the kiss. In other words, the only time a human, both man and woman are focused on one thing. How can one
focus if the eyes are open? The eyes, are our version of a camera, taking a million pictures a day, scanning
and storing them. Only when two people kiss and their minds are in tune, in check with no one other than
them two, will a kiss be true.
What does this song, though beautiful and thoughtful, have in common with my thoughts?
I have lived my life, living second upon second, with my eyes closed to the world, introverted,
closed off from those I deem unworthy. Simply put, living a lie. I have kissed with eyes open,
lieng to myself, finding solace in that which I though was true; Humans are born alone, and die alone.
To factor a conclusion into this paper, I must say that I am both the protagonist and antagonist in my life.
I am the reason for my ascension and my downfalls. I am the sun, I am the moon. I am a judge, yet a fellon,
I am nothing other than any other human. All of us are at fault for our concerns. But what seperates us from
demons is this simple fact; We have a choice. My choice is to enlighten others while trying to find peace with myself.
What is your choice?
All not saved will be lost.