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alot was on my mind
to much to concieve
i thought about so many things
things you wouldent belive

taking my own life
running away from here
forgetting all my pain
leaving all my fear

it was all to much to handle
i couldent take it anymore
so i wrote a very long note
and walked out of the door

the door from all my fears
the door to all my fate
maybe you couldve helped
maybe it wasent to late

you guys dident understand
so i couldent talk to you
i felt so very bad
but there was nothing you could do

i felt so very alone
when "friends" walked away
i think i scared them off
for they were way to scared to stay

im sorry i was trouble
i dident mean to be
now you dont have to worry
now im all set free

daddy wont be sad
and mommy wont cry
im so much happier now
for in this casket i lie

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The following comments are for "on my own"
by decapitated_doll

General comments
Having just read each of your pieces on the site, I felt the need to make a general comment on your work as a whole.

Having been a morbid minded and agst ridden teenager some ten years ago, I can recall writing such literary gems as "Silent Rage", "Scarred Visage" and "Under the Knife" and your work reminds me rather strongly of that time in my life.

Looking back on my own work from that long ago, I found the same forced rhythm and "sameness" of subject matter and tone that I see in your work. Talent you have, that much I can see, but I question that it might be put to more efficient use with a wider range of subject matter and format.

As writers we often gravitate to the same subjects and emotional states when expressing ourselves, I myself am still guity of that habit, and try furiously to find new subjects and tones to hone my skills with the language. I would encourage you to give that approach a shot.

I am not downing your work, I did enjoy the sense of nostalgia it evoked, but I think to grow as a writer you should attempt to branch out.

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: August 12, 2002 )

words have so much power.
I just wanted to thank you. You have inspired me very much.
A person who can write something like that has very much heart and a very deep and sensitive soul.
It touches me so deep.

( Posted by: puck [Member] On: August 12, 2002 )

I was suprised...
by this piece.
Well done.

Whilst reading, I imagined the youth was running away, going out to face the world on his/her own, then I hit that last line, and realised the truth. I had no clue it was coming, and then when it did, it gave the rest of the poem even more meaning.

Excellent piece.


( Posted by: Jasmine [Member] On: August 13, 2002 )

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica...

I've said this before, on a different post, and I'll say it again here: The word is spelled 'grammar'. If you want to give your grammar-based corrections a little more weight, you might want to consider this.



( Posted by: Beckett Grey [Member] On: August 13, 2002 )

A little story...

Ask Bartleby, he was there, but there was a time, not so many years ago, that I couldn't spell grenade to save my life. In fact, the only reason I can spell it is because Bartleby corrected me on it over and over and over.

Come to think of it, if I see him anytime soon, I'm going to give him a grenade of my own. ;) Thanks for the reminder.

( Posted by: Chrispian [Admin] On: August 13, 2002 )

quite a morose piece. pretty powerful.

( Posted by: ESeufert [Member] On: August 16, 2002 )

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