Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

Mercury Rising
-----------------

drops
of tears
M_i_X_e_D
with sweat.
I am not sad nor hot,
but bothered and shot.
So I sit drenched
in this pool naked,
trying to take it-na-
I am kicking trying to break it.
The cycle, the floor, my leg, anything,
maybe I'm just faking it,
for the few lost souls whose attention deficit has faded.
Too many obvious choices,
so many all too familiar voices.
They are just monotnous noises
I canít listen, so I pretend it isnít.
I canít trust it, obviously I'm digusted
Mouths moving in non orchestral motions
these thoughts I too don't get..I just wrote them.
But to heal it, ya start with the mind.
Caressing the even less than jaded
is a gift and a task,
especially when it's mine.

I'll still feel like shit
and corrupt you.
Then we succumb
to the numb
for now.
And drift off far away
from where we were,
into a deep blue-er blur.
Deeper and deeper,
creeping into the danger to play.
There is no pain there,
but to remain there
would mean we would
lose the person we really are forever....
Which is really better?

-5-1-5-0-------
--!/! ! !< #----
*******LT*********



------
If a poet ruled the world......what a pleasant place it would be!
~L.T


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Mercury Rising"
by LamemansTerms

YOU SUCK-
NO COMMENTS --WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE--THIS IS NOT A QUESTION~!

( Posted by: LamemansTerms [Member] On: October 11, 2005 )

FAIRPLAY?
say what man? what is with the code? Am I supposed to decipher something through all the munbo jumbo? I am not sure---so you know about my prob with the doc and yeah yeah the booze --so what does that have to do with anything? Certainly not about the poem or even close.. Now you arent the only one who doesn't have to work and truthfully it takes a big man to fuck off all day and find things to keep them occupied without getting into trouble or drinking or doing drugs---so I know what it is like but please don't give me all that in tongue I can't figure out--I don't understand what you are getting at--sorry

( Posted by: LAMEMANSTERMS [Member] On: October 11, 2005 )

LMT/Penelope: To be fair..
First to LMT- I've never commented on any of your pieces. You, on other hand, have commented on several of mine. Your "BOBBY" comment, which Penelope refers to, is in reference to "Colorfornicated." That is my piece. I appreciated time you took there. I wish to clarify that point.

Pen- You are correct about give and take. In this case, I am one who has not reciprocated, where LMT is concerned.

LMT- I recall you got off to rough start here, partially by your own design, it appeared at time. You were kind of ostracized, by me included.

I do read as many posts as possible here, yours among them. We all have faves and friends we comment on.

All of us evolve (hopefully), as people and writers. We each have own demons to fight. I apologize, if I prejudged your motives at Lit.

On your work...Seems you have been going through personal trials and they have spilled onto our screens. Our judgements (ratings/comments) are not important. Your health and progression on this little planet transcends this page. If it helps to post what you post, thank Crowe and stars for Lit.



Robert William

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: October 11, 2005 )

Quelle Brouhaha!
Just a mild word of advice, LMT... (from another relative newcomer here)? Try to relax on the tortured-artist schtick. It only really works if you're either supremely talented or already dead. So sit back and take this site for what it is, or not at all. But know that there is meritocracy in our mediocrity...

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: October 11, 2005 )

fairplay/penelope
fairplay thanks so much for taking the time to explain yourself I don'yt know what I was thinking anyha--it is about a time I had when I had a 104 temp rescently -I t was crazy and yeah I suppose to be honest I was comming down off of a few things and to be honest I havent felt as good as i do now in a long while so yeah thats what it's about---and pen do you try to corrupt everything you touch or what? I mean do you try to get people to not read my stuff...just whatever ok all that was in the past and I thought that was settled already...what happened I thought we were ok?
and thanks fairplay for sticking up for me really if ya didn't it would have been a nbash on this page started by pen but you took care of that-wether she wants to stick to her comment or not it just makes her look ....well not so smart---plus my ratio is 6;1 whats yours pen?>

( Posted by: LamemansTerms [Member] On: October 14, 2005 )

bobby
sorry almost left the credit go to someone else --sorry about that---ya know I was just looking at what pen said---and I comment on others work alot---and I know I am very critical at what I consider good but I mean wtf is she talking about --is 6;1 not good enuff?

( Posted by: LamemansTerms [Member] On: October 14, 2005 )

mobius
thanks for the advice but I am not all that new at all I have quite the track record--I have been through the ringer here believe me when I say that...anyway though thans for the advice--also it seems you might have a sense of humor on ya
LT

( Posted by: LamemansTerms [Member] On: October 14, 2005 )

Mike,
I know summer and September are quite busy and folks leave for other things, maybe peaking in here and there as I have been.
This habit I have formed here is not to look at the titled comments because they will either draw me or shove me away from reading someone's work. So I just click on what's new.
Only this I am stopping to comment.

WE,,,,,the you and I do have a history. I can vouch that you are not a newbie here at Lit. I can also balance out and understand what other writers are saying and where they are coming from.

You opened my eyes in telling me things of how I wrote.....in my poetry AND in my comments. I did not mind when you told me what was wrong with my writing, IN YOUR OPINION. Also it opened my eyes in such a way that really digs deep into your personal world. Things that make you tick. Alot of attention getting things. Like you say they are things of the past. So let's let them lie there.

I DO thank you for opening my eyes about my own writing. I did fall into a trap of patting people on the shoulder. I did NOT however like when you told me and others that writing certain things in our comments was crap....eg "don't ever stop writing".

That is something I have often told people to support MY personal comments to THEM. I have told some to "beef" their writing, try to use more "descriptive" phrases and "bring" their readers into their world. THEN I would tell them to NEVER stop writing.....because often there are people who have a low self esteem and unlike you keep it all in, instead of throwing it out there, afraid of being attacked for their own very good reasons. The newer writers need to have support in a positive way.
I have read several of your things since I told you way back when that I would not read nor comment on your writing. It was my personal choice then, as it is my personal choice to change my mind.

I find you an interesting man with alot to share. You usually use the shock system to get your readers to be attentive to you. I hear you. We all want to be read for one reason or another. In hopes that others will be supportive in any way that positively lifts our spirits up and helps us see what we need to improve.

There is alot of pain in this piece of writing. But there is not a heck of a lot of feelings. Be more descriptive.

You are in pain, HOW do you feel inside, describe how, not why. Tell me what that dark abyss feels like when you get that very lonely feeling that others look through you, as though you are not there,,,,,when you are sick, fevered, chilled, puking.

I understand all too well about being sick. I know you are an intellegent person. That does come through in all you write. Sure there are others that will not get along, will not like how you strike out with any of your writing, be it poetry, stories, or comments. Let it all go and become that great writer that is deep inside your soul.

A valuable lesson I learned when studying was that writing IS definately an art form. YOU are the artist. In order that you can portray your words as a picture, you should disclose as much as you can, with as little as possible.

Studying this poem of yours I find some very good qualities in it, yet the weakness of others is not supporting it as well as they should.


"these thoughts I too don't get..I just wrote them."

What kind of thoughts? Dark, lonely, puzzling?
If you just wrote this as it is, without reading it over, you should. This could be a really great piece of work. In fact it is good. I have read several others and I KNOW that this is not one of your best Mike.


"But to heal it, ya start with the mind.
Caressing the even less than jaded
is a gift and a task,
especially when it's mine."

NOW, this is a very strong and interesting bit.

I haven't had the strength to be here are read alot, or write. In fact I haven't written for a long time. A piece of me died. Now the interest in others work is a good sign. I do understand of being ill, hospital tests, and more tests, needles, IVs, constant fevers, chills, cold sweats....puking........There is a lot that can be written from your experiences Mike. AND it is a good way of healing yourself,,,,,and yes you are right, heal the mind, the body will follow.

I feel content that I came in here today and read this one again Mike. I also read the comments. They are interesting insights to other people in our Lit family too.

Hope you are doing better, chin up ol' man. Breath alot and think positive. IF you want to shock me.....hey I've lived a FULL life and seen as well as experienced the darkest of darks. Can't shock me, but it is a good way to get attention if that is needed.

Darlene ;) aka Dareva

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: October 14, 2005 )

DAREVA
HEY Darlene -hope you are doing well...anyha thanks for sharing and the trip way down the past experiences we have had and yeah some just got out of hand---but my stuff I dont want read due to not having a friend to talk to or I am crying out-----hardly I personally dont have the type of friends that I could just slap a poem down and ask them to read it without making fun or whatever so I need opinions and feedback cause I have a little book due by summer and I am cutting a bunch ---which isnt easy ---cause I get to critical so yeah I advcertise --maybe not in the best ways but it eventually usually will be accompliished--I was a adverting major in Wash St so I have sneaky /bad/not always the best methods but my motives and hopes of what I would like to get out of it are good--so anyha I have to go now --ttyl
lt

( Posted by: LamemansTerms [Member] On: October 16, 2005 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: