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5G.S.VASUKUMAR
3yadig

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Consuela met Dimitri in the Canary Islands. She was there on vacation from Madrid with her parents and he told her he was there to sell the pineapples from his plantation on Dominica to a Spanish wholesaler. Their first conversation was cut short when Consuela’s father told Dimitri “Move off!” as soon as he saw them chatting together on the beach. Thereafter, they would meet each afternoon behind the laundry room of Consuela’s hotel.

The opposition of Consuela’s parents only made the young couple’s determination stronger: they became quite adept at finding ways to be together. Consuela was dazzled by Dimitri’s descriptions of his pineapple plantation. It had a waterfall and a long drive leading to the house. “Just a shack, really,” said Dimitri, in the offhand way that an English gentleman would refer to his country home as “a pile.”
“The furniture is all handmade, though,” he added, gauging her reaction from the corner of his eye.

Consuela missed her parents a great deal after she ran away with Dimitri. She knew they would understand completely, though, as soon as they set eyes on her new home in Dominica. It seemed to take forever to make their way across the ocean to Dimitri’s island paradise, but the freighter was so much cheaper than an airplane, and Consuela had wanted to keep the charges on her father’s credit card to a minimum. Taking the card hadn’t been her idea, but Dimitri had foolishly left his own credit card in a restaurant when he arrived in the Canaries and hadn’t been able to pay for anything since she’d met him. “It’s the only way, my darling,” he had said, caressing the back of her neck ever so lightly.

By the time the freighter docked in Dominica, Consuela knew she was pregnant. She was planning to tell Dimitri about the baby as he carried her over the threshold of his mansion. Instead, she burst into tears as soon as Dimitri’s friend dropped them off at the door. “Oh my God! What have I done?” She wailed, staring at the building which was her new home. It was one room constructed entirely of highway signs and furnished with tree stumps for seating and piles of leaves for beds.

Eventually, she stopped crying and got on with things. She never did pay her father back for the freighter tickets, though. They had cost a fortune.


------
Diver Girl
Austin, Texas



Comments

The following comments are for "Consuela and Dimitri"
by DiverGirl

Opinions
It was boring and predictable. It could have been shortened considerably and more made more creative in the process. The surprise ending was no surprise. The paragraphs were not organized and sepparated properly (example.. the second paragraph starts off explaining that they were meeting secretly but the paragraph is actually about what their meetings were like not what they did to trick the parents.
Mostly it needs to be tightened up, shortened (so that more of a twist can be added) and that twist at the end needs to be something more surprising.

( Posted by: yadig [Member] On: October 12, 2005 )

....
I think you spent far too long in the narrative, and not enough time in the character.

( Posted by: Nova [Member] On: October 12, 2005 )

Not Bad..
U have told so much in such less space. The story is not bad. Yes, it could have been better. I feel speaking more about the charecters could have helped.

Hope to read more of ur stuff soon. Keep posting and all the best.

Bye,

GSVK

( Posted by: G.S.VASUKUMAR [Member] On: October 13, 2005 )





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