Beaten and worn, I came home.
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Blood on my thighs and in my soul.
I staggered into the bathroom and turn on the hot water.
I am unclean, need to be clean, I need to be clean.
No longer pure, no longer whole, no longer.
The steam rises surrounding me in a fog that I cannot escape.
I am unclean.
I strew all the items from the sink to the floor making an eerie crash.
The stench still on me, I must become clean.
His sweat absorbing into every pore of my body.
I strip away all my dirty clothes.
Stench will not go away.
I feel between my legs raw and sore and see blood still trickling down my thigh.
Dirty dirty dirty.
I wipe it off with my hand and write on the porcelain wall,
I AM UNCLEAN.
His touches burning holes through my skin like acid dripping through my soul.
I enter the shower and let the scalding hot water wash away my dirty sin.
Soap, scrub, rinse, repeat.
Still unclean. I turn the shower to cold and feel the icy waves wash over me.
My toes are clean. Untouched.
My ankles are dirty and rotting from his stench.
I hold the handle of the razor blade and begin to cut away the stench.
Piece by piece I will make it all go away. I must clean.
My ankles are bloody and disfigured, the skin on the floor like trash, but they are clean.
My sin diminishing inch by inch.
Sun no longer shining. Will never shine.
His dirty lips on my legs. My skin remembering their struggle.
I must be clean.
I use the blade to remove inches at a time. Taking too long.
Need to be clean NOW.
I drop the blade and rip my skin off my legs. First one then the other.
Veins and muscles exposed. No pain. Need to be clean.
My thighs slowly becoming clean again.
The stench from between my legs was the worst.
I lifted the blade and began to cut it all out.
Jabbing, slicing, ripping and digging deeper as far as I could reach.
Flesh embedded inside my nails pulling everything inside me out.
Every last inch landing on the floor piled on top of each other.
I work my way up pulling and ripping dirty skin from my stomach.
My breasts are the easiest. Just stab with the razor and pull, tearing muscles and throw it away.
Bloody stumps are now clean.
Useless arms could not fight him off. They are slowly becoming clean.
Inch by inch.
My last dirty spot, my lips. Could not scream loud enough. Rip, tear and pull.
Now I am clean.
As I bathe in my blood I am clean.