Here I stand, two paths before of me. One straight, but blurry. The other is clear, but with twists and turns and rough patches throughout. I know two tour guides, one for each path. The straight path has been so for many, many miles. And the tour guide the same for many years. She is my friend. More of a sister. We have had good times together, but now, I need more. I am starving for life, my legs yearn for higher ground, some mountain climbing. But she doesnít want to go. Maybe she canít go. She doesnít have the strength for such a journey. I feel pulled to continue this journey with her. I donít really want to continue it. I long for adventure, to learn new things, to experience new ideas. I am slowly dying as I trudge through this rut with her.
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The other path twists and turns. It twisted once and crossed the straight path, and on that day I met the other tour guide. So full of life, love, and adventure! On his path it seemed the sun always shined, even in the rain. I look at my current path -- clouds, darkness, danger. With nothing to look forward to but what I have already been through. And there wasnít much to look back on. Some good times, but no enriching memories that if relived, would be enough to keep me here. This new tour guide is my teacher, my savior, my lover. He has what I need to learn how to live. I have been trying to climb out of this rut, to take his path, been climbing with all of my heart. But just when my hand grasps the lip, I feel a tug on my leg. It is my sister-friend. She has had another argument with her ex or is having trouble with her daughter. My heart breaks for her and I am pulled back down. But I have glimpsed the other path. And it is the journey on this path that my soul and my mind long for.
I have struggled to climb to the lip again. But this time I am determined to pull myself out before looking back down. Because now I can see clear. I can see the death that was surrounding me on that straight path. I have nothing to show for my hundreds of miles of journeying with her. I love her, but I love myself more. I tell her I love her, but that I have to live my life. That I need to be fed. My lover has the elixir of life that my heart yearns for and I will not turn away again. Because my life depends on it.
My heart breaks as I turn from her and walk to my new life-filled journey. I look forward to strengthening my legs on the climbs, my senses on the sounds, the smells, the sights of learning and living the experiences that are ahead. I can not see them because of the twists in the path, but that is what makes it exciting. My lover tour guide is by my side. He stood and cheered for me as I climbed from the rut onto this higher road, but never stretched out his hand. He gave me the tools I needed, but knew that I must make the climb on my own. My first real lesson. It was a hard one to learn, but I am a better, stronger woman because of it.
I look forward to this new journey. I donít know how long my lover will be my tour guide. All I can do is learn from him. To learn to live life not just for me, but to share my experiences with others. Maybe, up the road, my new path will twist and cross with my sister-friendís again. Hopefully, from the training and the learning on this new journey, I will have the tools to give her to help her to climb out of the deadly rut she is in. But I will not lend a hand. If she really wants to, she must do it on her own.
I take my loverís hand, find the strength in his eyes to take that first step. Oh, what a journey awaits usÖ.