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this poem really has no punctuation. no order, i don't think. it just was written that way. i mean, most of my friends who read it don't really think about stuff like that. i know the people here do. i don't really know where i'm going with this, but this is probably one of the strangest poems i've written, even though it has been called beautiful. i just want to know what anyone's imput or opinion is, so please read and review. thanks! ~k-t

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Wavering

i'm finding reasons
finding a place
where the skins so thin
where it could be
an accident
i roll over in bed
seeing your face
right next to mine
but it wavers away
it wasn't there
in the first place
i sit on the floor
back against the wall
where i can see
all the sides around me
i decide
that this place
wasn't meant for me
i wasn't meant to be here
god made a mistake
i rest my head
against my knees
hoping it won't be long
until i feel like i wont
need to bleed
hoping things
pass and go
like they normally do
i realize i don't
need to feel things
i don't need to be held down
with pangs of regret
i find all the places
where i think i'm dead
i cut them away
cut them off my skin
ripping and tearing
left and right
i feel like i'm free
like someone who feels
like they're wisked
off their feet
i feel so fake
i don't feel like i'm real
my skin made of wax
my teeth made of pills
slowly going numb
my sides feel fuzzy
against the wall
otherwise feeling nothing
but the pulse
of the heartbeat
against my back
i wish you were there
more than i have
ever wished before
i wish someone
could just hold me
i'm not the monster
you think i am
i'm sorry if
i'm scaring you
i can't really say it
without it coming out
any more wrong than i
meant it to
i want you here
i want someone
to feel my fingers
because i can't feel
i want to feel something
maybe you're something
maybe i can
feel you when you reach
it's not that hard
not that confusing
and when it all
boils down to it
i'm not existing for me
i'm existing for something
more than a pulse
more than i feel
in a dream


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Comments

The following comments are for "Wavering"
by Veruca Salt

Freedom
Most of the time poems with no punctuation are intended to portray a series of images playing on one's mind ...supposedly (as I use this device) anyone may opt to read the poem in a stream or in a pause as uniquely many as how many times it is read...the recitation is itself the testament to the poetry of the mindflow.

However, this freedom is not to be abused as concepts still have to be grouped and ideas have to be batched.
People may say it's beautiful, but there's a big difference between dulce et utilé.

( Posted by: webguy [Member] On: August 7, 2002 )

here :)
i know it all came out a little wrong.

when i said this poem was the strangest poem i've ever written, i meant the way i wrote it. like, everything in there looks foreign to me, but doesn't feel that way. that's what makes it strange. lol. i think it's insane if anyone finds my poems beautiful, because they really aren't that beautiful. they're very ugly to me, and i really don't care if anyone says otherwise. i'm quite an insecure person though, but it feels like everyone knows that already. so, i just won't say much more. lol :)

i'm just finding new ways i have been writing. if my poems are choppy or uneven, i apologize. i'm going to try to grasp ahold of the punctuation thing. i'm really having a struggle with that, because sometimes punctuation sounds okay and sometimes it sounds like i'm trying to hard. so, i guess i should just post it here and see what i get from it. thanks for the comments :) laytor.

~k-t

( Posted by: Veruca Salt [Member] On: August 7, 2002 )

Here we go black sheep, here we go!
After reading this a second time in a second, much later sitting, I have a few things to say.
First, I loved the poem; the jagged rythm contributes to the overall "emotional sculpture" (see my review of "Aggravated") by adding an element of confusion to the mix of lonliness, longing and insecurity. The rythm was very appropriate, and good.
Second: the hell with rules about when to use punctuation! I'm sure that E.E.Cummings was told about them all the time, and look what he did! The lack of punctuation helps free this poem, if you ask me. This way a reader's mind will instinctively structure the poem in the most effective manner for that reader's mind. It helps the flow.
Finally, lose the a/n. While you may be an insecure person, I personally will fight any attempts that you might inadvertently make at becoming an insecure poet. These are your poems; they are textual translations of the voice of your very soul, and if you preface them with something meant to temper them, you will gut your soul's utterings. This is one of your smoothest flowing and most "polyharmonic" of your poems that I have read, and it is a glorius achievement and a warthy testament to your ability to translate the uttering of your soul. I thank you for this post; I'll recommend it to some friends. (My rating does nto take into account the a/n. Do some editing and remove it; you can't afford to censor your soul!)

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: August 31, 2002 )





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