Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

Here is a light bulb, new and shiny
The two thatíll raise it, eyeing it proudly
Their views conflicting, their influence bearing
Their giant eyes are constantly staring
The one on the right extends a plea to keep the hounds at bay
The one on the left lets them go into the world to play
With each decision the bulb shines more brightly
The light getting stronger, ever so slightly
But the bulb could burn out at any minute
Getting weaker by the pressure within it
Eventually it will break
Filled with the choices it makes
Shards scattered every which way
Falling to the ground on judgment day
Where does the light go?



------
In order to understand yourself, you must understand your world.



Comments

The following comments are for "Where Does The Light Go?"
by WhatBindsTheMasses

Anyone have a potato?
I can appreciate your use of metaphors and associating the tension between these two with the delicateness of the bulb. The line: "Eventually it will break" however presents itself as a guarantee that the light bulb will break, when usually it will burn out due to a fault of the filaments. This point is where I started to lose the metaphorical connection. Iíd consider strengthening your poem by rephrasing the latter half.

( Posted by: poliarch [Member] On: September 21, 2005 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: