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Fairy night and fairy bright
Through all of this, I won't sleep tonight
Regardless of this growing cyst
Pain on which I do insist

Although the price is hardly fair
You've made your offer, laid it bare
And for my own reality
I give you this, sweet mortal key

Then the taste upon my tongue
Reminds me why I chose to come
Bear it, mine own heart of glass
Hope that unknowns will not pass

For in this salvation oh so rich
I give up this, my loving witch
A freedom of a mind so cruel
But also bonds of the collective pool

Why do, then, I choose this ride?
And dare the so-called suicide?
For in itself, it holds just this:
The lethal, poisoned, freeing kiss.

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The following comments are for "Harrowing Freedom"
by Reiko Korin

Fairy night...
Good job. Simple and pretty, it conveys your sensations well. The rhyming is done gracefully and you don't fall to it anywhere - uncommon traits in amateur poetry.

One thing (and you can take it or eave it) - "Why do, then, I choose this ride?"

Why then do I choose

Why then do I choose.

Personally I think either alteration would work better, but it is ytour work and if you prefer it how it is then good on ya.

I enjoyed the read. Thank you.

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: July 31, 2002 )

Very good
At first, I wasn't too fond of the rhyme scheme but it grew on me. Your wording is very good as well. I have no idea what it's supposed to be about, but I enjoyed it none the less.


( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: August 2, 2002 )

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