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The migrant shops of Brixton can but speak
with textures of leather of felt of fur,
I walk along this greasy flowered street
gaining the sense I'm in London no more.

Although air can gather and turn to blind
it brings tight skins of dry and dulling sound,
Amistad panels store by store combine
to capture and release my heavy-set brow.

A foreign inclusion with furs and felt
like the suede invading a smokers lung
square shouldered teeth capture a Cossack's pelt,
no room for Russians the Polish still come.


------
Ask not what you can do to poetry, but what poetry can do to you.


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Comments

The following comments are for "The Migrant Shops of London"
by londongrey

Alex Shops
I liked the easy unforced rhyme you have presented with a casual observation of conditions. My only quibble is "although" in second stanza. It is an unmoving word that doesn't seem to do much for this work. All in all, it is a dandy little poem.

williamhill

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: September 8, 2005 )

London
Londongrey;
Nice to read your work again. Brixton, sounds like a very colourful, energetic place. A place that I have always wanted to visit. London, that is, any part will do me just fine!


Blessings,
{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: September 8, 2005 )

Alex - Migrant Shops
Brixton, sounds like a Chinatown here in Metro Manila, that whenever someone would pass by he would be like transported to another country.

I notice this in most of your poetry, there's always that sense of breeziness that's vivid it could spring to life, juiciness it's almost edible... beautiful!

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: September 9, 2005 )

Finally! Londongrey!
"The migrant shops of Brixton can but speak
with textures of leather of felt of fur,
I walk along this greasy flowered street
gaining the sense I'm in London no more."

~My mind goes to The Clash "Guns of Brixton" immediately, and I can't shake it, so I'll do my best to be neutral! :)

~L1: they can "but speak / with textures..." Interesting juxtoposition between the olde use of language vs. your modern follow-up and reflection in L3&4. I just think L1 is a rough read. (at least you didn't say "but stink" heh heh) This is your weak stanza.


"Although air can gather and turn to blind
it brings tight skins of dry and dulling sound,
Amistad panels store by store combine
to capture and release my heavy-set brow."

~L1 is strong in sonics: alliterative quality throughout is lushly textured as S1, L1! This is a gorgeous stanza, Doll. You got into your vibe. Hey!

"A foreign inclusion with furs and felt
like the suede invading a smokers lung
square shouldered teeth capture a Cossack's pelt,
no room for Russians the Polish still come."

~OOOooOoOo, lookie L2... beautiful. L1 is a nice reflection. L3 is a stretch, and L4 needs punctuation after 'Russians'. A colon, methinks.


Very good to read your creative work again, m'dear. Back to work!

Lans

( Posted by: GibsonGirl [Member] On: September 9, 2005 )

Everyone
Thank you for your kind words.

This is the first time I have even tried anything close to proper rhyme and Iambic Pentameter. I just got inspired whilst reading a history book.

Thank you Lans for that breakdown, I needed that, my feet tend to lift off the ground which isn't good!!

Hugs to everyone

A xxx

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: September 10, 2005 )





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