Write Off: RAGE!
by why me?2 (Member) - published: July 29, 2002
Word Count: 60 Word Bytes: 386 Viewed: 1196 times
Category - The Write Off
© Copyright by why me?2

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A smile that hides no remorse
What steered your evil course?
You wonder how I know
Your shallow heart beats so slow

The feeling you try to hide
Is what I feel deep inside
If I had a monster in me
It would rage like a war machine

lies of love
love of lies
smile bitch
while I rage!

Comments

The following comments are for "Write Off: RAGE!"
by why me?2

De Moritatus...
Just thought I stop by and wish you luck.

Good luck :)

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: July 29, 2002 )

Hard decision
While I think this write off is a hard one, I think deciding which better fits the rules is harder. I liked your poem better for what it stood for and how it flowed, but I felt more rage in the other one. I'm sorry but we have to grade on the rules.

~Jessica

( Posted by: Jessicanm [Member] On: July 31, 2002 )

Feeble rage
Hiya, I think part of the lack of response is that half of our competitors failed to come to the line.

I'm glad that you did though and I hope to see more of you. Regardless who wins, good job joining up and taking the chance.

All the best.

( Posted by: enforced bliss [Member] On: July 31, 2002 )

to why me?
What's up with all the swearing? The literary prophesy of 1920s comes true. I am merely equalizing things here.

The whole blind anger bordering on perversion is a good show interpretation of rage. Again, not to be titled rage though. It seems you have a prologue to rage.

War machine is totally uncalled for and makes a ridiculously bulky presence in my humble opinion.

And as for the other one, I do not call such pieces poems, though yours is easier to read in a way.

( Posted by: Furius [Member] On: August 1, 2002 )

Once more unto the breach
Swearing - Relax. In this case it was neither gratutious nor excessive. Why would you allow one word to bother you more than another.

"I do not call such pieces poems" - what in your opinion would qualify a piece to be called a poem?

( Posted by: enforced bliss [Member] On: August 1, 2002 )

Whitman-oholic
Personally, I'm not a big fan of verse. I don't think it has much of a place in serious poetry. This piece just didn't speak to me the same way that Enforced Bliss's did. All the same, it is very difficult to properly express rage, in that when you are experiencing it, you can't really think rationally, let alone poetically...plus, I think the last stanza seems kind of random...this could be good, since it is the blind rage, but I think it just sounds out of place, and the last line of it sounds almost cheesy...sorry.

( Posted by: the Co.konspirator [Member] On: September 21, 2002 )

what is a poem
as far as tyhe debate abotu what constitutes a poem and where things have their place in "serious poetry". to me only poetry that has emotional value or something to that effect to the writer or reader is serious poetry. quite frankly i dont give two shits if my reader doesnt deem my work serious. if i pur out my heart and soul into a piece then, to me, it is serious poetry. just my .02

( Posted by: free_mind_7 [Member] On: May 17, 2003 )

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