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Why is it
That we can never see ourselves
The way that others see us?
We look in the mirror
And see flaws
Imperfections
Faults
The hair that sticks up
The pimple that just won't go away
We see our awkwardness
Our failures

Why can't we see ourselves
Through another's eyes

They see our flaws
As unique
Our imperfections
As special
Our faults
As originality

They see only the beautiful smile
The sparkling eyes
They see our grace
Our composure
Our successes

If only we could see ourselves
Though each other's eyes

------
Believe in yourself, for you are your best encouragement.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Mirrors"
by silentgoodbye

i like the idea
I like the idea you're conveying but your words lack power. It just sounds like a paragraph that's cut into segments.

I'd like to recommend that you think it through and revisit this thought and poem in a few months. I'm sure you'll come up with a better one.

( Posted by: maimai [Member] On: August 30, 2005 )

Thanks
Thanks for your comment. I know my work needs some polishing, that's why it's going up here. I was wondering what exactly you thought regarding my poem. I know it does seem to be more of a paragraph in pieces now that you mentioned it, but what lacked power. I really wasn't trying for a strong voice in it, but rather a quiet observation from someone. But I would love to hear more from you. Thanks again for giving me some feedback.

( Posted by: silentgoodbye [Member] On: August 30, 2005 )

my reply
Hi, glad you didn't take my comments negatively.

"I really wasn't trying for a strong voice in it, but rather a quiet observation from someone."

I can't really put a finger on why I said it lacked power but the poem just passes by without leaving a lasting impression, picture or emotion. It's easy to forget. That's the main reason why I felt you could improve on it some more.

I like this part:
"The hair that sticks up
The pimple that just won't go away
We see our awkwardness
Our failures"

Because you made us see what you see. But after that, it's all general and intangible.

( Posted by: maimai [Member] On: August 31, 2005 )

Point
Thanks for the comment. I joined this site to get feedback from other writers, so why would I take your comment negatively? I put my work out there to get criticized.
But I may take your suggestion and leave it alone for a while. I usually revisit poems every so often, but I will pay special attention to this one. Thanks.

( Posted by: silentgoodbye [Member] On: August 31, 2005 )





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