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I long to write. I long for it every minute that Iím not, yet when I get the opportunity, I often donít know what to say, or maybe itís more appropriate to say that I donít know where to begin.

I awoke before Allison this morning. Iím sitting alone in the living room looking out into the cool bright morning. Itís so pretty, so alive. The dog wanders about in the back yard, her collar jingling with each step. The cat sits before me and stalks birds from inside the screen door, occasionally casting a look my way that begs to be released.

Iím learning that writing is a very solitary thing. You almost, by default, have to be alone. You canít write while watching TV or while others carry on conversations. Unfortunately you canít write while participating life. Itís an observational activity, not a participational one. I feel caught at times pulled between the need to write and the desire to participate.

I asked my professor about that ďneedĒ to write and he knew of what I spoke. He told me you have to find the time to be alone to write, you have to make the time. Often you end up lying to friends and family because they are unable to understand your base need.

ďYou want to stay home and write? Why?Ē

Itís easier to tell them youíre sick.

I would stay up late and write, but I get so tired my head falls onto the keyboard, or bonks the table. I am so busy, so very busy. Even those that know and love you can become very irritated as you move off, as you separate to make passionate and secret love to the words. A love so strong that it pulls you away from them. Again the need for solitarity raises its head. Itís why at times I long to be alone, for at least an hour or two every day. It seems that everyone would be alone for at least an hour a day, but Iím not. I rise alone and dress for work, drink a quick cup of coffee and run to work. At work I am surrounded by too many people with too many problems. After work I run home, eat with my family, enjoy whatís left of the day and vegetate in front of the TV with them.

That TV time would be good to write, but it would leave Allison alone. She asks me what I write about, she reads it sometimes, but rarely does she see any value in it. I think she fears itís just an excuse to not be with her. She doesnít understand that the passion to write is beyond explanation.

I think more and more about doing whatever it is that I know I should be doing. I feel all the time like Iím getting closer to my purpose. If I could convince and show another person that they have the power to change their own life for the better, and they actually do. I will have done what I need to. If I can do the same for 5 or 10 or 100, I will be self actualized. It really is far too simple. Itís all so simple. I do need to become organized though and that frightens me a bit. You see if I actually work to coordinate and organize my thoughts on this into an outline or some path that I can constructively follow then I will actually end up moving down that road, and that is exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I guess making that realization means itís time to actually do it.



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The following comments are for "I Long to Write"
by TimPro

Writing *IS* doing
Tim: Nicely said. Many people, myself included, feel exactly what you're feeling.

What people who do not write do not understand, is this: writing IS doing. It is as much doing something as is going somewhere, building a house, driving a truck, performing surgery, playing the saxaphone or hitting a baseball.

Writing is fundamental work. It is the organization of thoughts into a coherent and lasting record. It is a way to become more you, while helping others to become themselves more fully. It is a method of inner discovery, for writer and reader. It is a way to record the past and shape the future.

Writing is power. Words are power. Great writing has moved nations and created both dictators and saviors.

If you feel the need to write, you will find the time. Wake up earlier, go to bed later. That's what I have needed to do my whole life. Do it at lunch. Write yourself emails. Keep a journal. As far as Allison is concerned, invite her into your process. Ask her to help you with this task that means so much to you. Have her suggest topics and then share the results with her. Have her provide editorial comments and/or proof-reading help. Read books together and discuss them -- because reading is the 2nd most important thing that writers have to do all the time (writing, of course, being the first). Write pieces that are specifically and totally dedicated to her. Ask her what she would like you to write; dedicate entire works to her and for her. Write stuff that makes money and give her all the dough. That's part of the deal I have with my wife and my writiting jones. It hasn't been much money, but none of what I have made writing has gone into my own pocket. That tends to take the sting out, let me tell you.

Whatever you do, write every day. Even if it's just an observation or a quick, silly piece of doggerel. This is how we learn to write; by writing.

This is a good place to practice. Glad to have you on board. Keep it up.

( Posted by: andyhavens [Member] On: August 31, 2005 )

Misunderstood
I am often accused of spending too much time "in front of the damn computer" by my wife. She enjoys the written work, but often doesn't understand what it takes to get there.

Finding the time is not easy. Especially if you have busy work life. I commute 1 1/2 hours each way to work and travel (fly somewhere) once a week or so. It's not easy.

But keep it up. :)

( Posted by: BigD [Member] On: December 8, 2005 )

writing is a solitary thing
This from Steinbeck:

"Unless a writer is capable of solitude he should leave books alone and go into theater."

I find myself afraid as everyone else that what I write just plain stinks, and have only a somewhat objectionable canon of letter writing to be proud of, almost all of them to the same person. For some reason we cannot bear to be seen when we write, nor can we bear to have what we write be seen. Oh, the curse. Maybe you will have helped me to get something in here.

( Posted by: ahavens [Member] On: January 2, 2006 )





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