This afternoon I cannot sleep. Vida, my love, sleeps peacefully on my bed. I watch awake wondering when she will wake up. If she were awake, sheíd make a face and tell me that Iím being impatient again. She stirs in her sleep and her brows meet for a few seconds as though knowing my impatience wanted to reproach me. Still, she continues to sleep and her face reflects calmness once more.
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I have known her for the longest time, but I have overlooked her. I cannot count how many times I attributed my joy to another personís smile or to the brilliance in anotherís eyes. She was never jealous, though. She encouraged me and told me to seek my happiness, even recommended a few flings. She has always been there for me. During my darkest hours, times when I wished for Death to visit, she firmly held my hand and told me that she would not let go. She stayed until the dawn arrived. In my sadness, she held me close and reassured me. She cried when I would not. She would make me laugh and smile, even during those bleak moods. How I have been so blind not to notice her! Thankfully, I realized and opened my heart to her love.
I look back at her while Iím typing this. She has a tiny smile on her lips, now. Ah, her smile! Sometimes, itís a simple and open smile when we are having fun. Sometimes, itís a calm and contented smile that she sends my way to tell me that all is well. Other times, itís both seducing and challenging like when she surprises me and I donít like it. In those times, I give in to her. I do it because she rewards me with a kiss and she assures me that she knows more than I. My love is a wise woman and, in many ways, she is my teacher.
Recently, sheís been teaching me about patience. Iím trying to push her, wanting more from her as though I have not had enough. She has been telling me that I need to wait. Lately, when I am being impatient with her, she asks me if I am willing for things between us to change. I am enjoying this time with her and she tells me that my friend is right, that my happiness shows. Am I willing for things to change?
I will go back to bed after this paragraph. I will hold her close to me and feel her vivacity in my blood. I know that I will give in to her once again. I like the way things are now. I can keep my desires at bay, though I know not for how long. For now, I will be patient.
I may not have a real love life but I really love life. Vida = Life.
For my eternal muse... We are of one heart... Forever