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"Box"

can't decide
your personal motive
you just thought
this would be it
dont tell me
you just woke up one day
and finally decided
you would give a shit
goes through one ear
and out the other
i don't really care
what you have to say
can't meet in the middle
can't make the rules bend
not letting you in
so you can say
that you never wanted
this love in the first place
that wasn't what you put
your name down for
you don't think you love me
you don't think at all
tell me you can't stand me
anymore
i'm your treasure
that you hide in a box
trapped inside
beaten and bruised
don't really know
can't get my mind back
you've taken over
and now i'm confused
don't know which way
i should turn and go
don't know which path
is safe to take
don't think i could leave
i really don't know
if i was alone
would i be okay
you never wanted
this love in the first place
that wasn't what you put
your name down for
you don't think you love me
you don't think at all
tell me you can't stand me
anymore

-

review if you'd like.




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Comments

The following comments are for "Box"
by Veruca Salt

Won't fit in box...
To be totally frank, I don't know what to think of this poem, critically. It obviously comes from a very painful experience, and I hope you're at least recovering from that. I think that this poem would be smoother and more effective if some of the interjections were cut out. (ex: "in one ear...other" and "can't meet...bend) They distracted me from the main point of the poem. Otherwise, I think its a good poem; maybe a more jaded critic would say it lacks imagery, but what can match the force of the soul laid bare on paper?

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: August 13, 2002 )

oops...
I really should stop reviewing so late at night. After a second reading, I must say that I need to eat the majority of my earlier words. I see now how what I had labeled interjections actually fit in very well, and the poem has imagery. Being that I am now reading it for a second time, I can also see that what I would like to see more of in this poem is perpetuation of the box image. What is the box made of? how does it feel? I'd really like to see what you could do with this poem; it really sounds like it can be great.

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: August 17, 2002 )





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