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September 2005

Roberts Vows Sex Change if Confirmed

In sworn testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee today, Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts stated that he plans to undergo sex-change surgery in response to opponents’ demands for another female nominee.

“Equality,” smirked Roberts while making quotes in the air with two fingers of each hand, “means that sex shouldn’t matter. But if it will make you godless sinners happy, I vow to become a woman if confirmed… or maybe even if I’m not- oh forget that last part I meant if confirmed. My member is in your hands. You truly have me by the balls.” Roberts then removed his robe. He wore nothing else but a pair of black wingtip shoes with argyle socks and a deservedly confident smile.

Roberts went on to state that he is “just as as black as Jacko or Clarence Thomas so you can kiss my black ass” before being wrapped in a flag and led to an “undisclosed location” for “further evaluation” according to an “unidentified source”.

Reaction from his opponents from both ends of the political spectrum, as well as from his supporters, remains mostly shocked expressions and stunned silence. A White House “spokesman” “declined to comment”.


------


"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."

- Ralph 'Where's Waldo' Emerson




"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
- Bilbo Baggins













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Comments

The following comments are for "Supreme Sex"
by drsoos

" Member In Our Hands"
Dr...Thanks for bringing a bit of levity to an otherwise humourous situation...

Making a member in good standing?..


B7L

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: August 10, 2005 )

soos/ Would that make him...
...a member NOT in good standing?...Of course, I meant "unhumourous" in first comment...

B7L

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: August 12, 2005 )

"Testes Speak"
Proud member since...


...the Summer of '69. For me, that was the summer of '76. We came up for air in a September rare. So-

Outstanding member?

OOOH OOOOOOOH!

Lifetime active member!


Re judicial restraint: Roberts was also quoted as stating that "You could have used a ball and gag on O'Connor and that Souter pussy. That would be some judicial fucking restraint."

He went on to state:

"Justice should be blind, hogtied, bound and gagged(*1), and buttf..."

s

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: August 14, 2005 )

drsoos and ...
good to see the dr in the house and I concur,
justice should be all those thing's you expressed, I would tie the first or even the last knot, how I've been f****d by that one and it wasn't a damn bit of fun...

Robin

( Posted by: Robinbird [Member] On: August 15, 2005 )

Soos at his best!
Dr. Soos,

How I've missed your witty, sharp, satirical, fun humor!

You are a writer set apart. You would have such a following as a political columnist.

I laughed out loud (literally) several times reading this short snipet.

YOU'RE THE BEST!

Felicia

( Posted by: FeliciaStone [Member] On: September 27, 2005 )

you KNow You should
Work. for the Weekly world News. i heard They were looking for some Better writers. Well, that Is what i Heard Anyway. I IMagine things All the time, so Don't Blame me if i'm wronG.

( Posted by: jesuschriss [Member] On: October 26, 2005 )





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