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pagniniig ng mga labi
sa init ng gabi
apoy ng pag-ibig
dulot ay kiliti

tamis ng halik
sa pusong sabik
paglalapat ng isipan
pag-iisa ng katawan

ningas ng apoy
sa paglapat ng pisngi
alab ng damdamin
sa iyong mga labi

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The following comments are for "halik"
by yellowpaintedsky

these words are excellent in their simplicity. If you don't mind I would like to see the second stanza however, as the finale.

To me the line "pag-iisa ng katawan" coupled with the intensity of the Kiss itself on the lips versus "sa paglapat ng pisngi" is almost anti-climactic.

Just my two cents though... i'm a progressive freak when it comes to poetry. interchanging stanzas will create progression and a linear liveness in the poem. YOur call if you want to edit. Either you thrash my comment or take it... hope this helps.

( Posted by: webguy [Member] On: July 19, 2005 )

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