A quick update, I suppose, on my life and my absence.
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Preparing for college has been overwhelming. It has made me feel, once again, juvenile and helpless and somewhat empty. My writing seems to be reflecting that. I have enrolled in my courses- 19 hours of mostly Gen Ed and a ballroom dance course to entertain myself. I don't ever start class before 10:30. All in all, it's lovely. I leave August 17 with our very own Co.Konspirator as a sidekick. I'll be batman. He can be Robin.
There have been many things occupying my days. Painting, reading, work, and love have kept me very well occupied. There was dancing. There was embrace. And there was music.
Oh, there was music.
There is something so intimate in sharing experiences-- the concrete ones. The way it feels to know that the person standing next to you feels the same throb of bass in their chest, dizzying and disorienting. The way it feels to know that the person with their arms wrapped around you hears the same notes. That they are experiencing the same kiss, the same touch.
The joy is not the touch itself, it is sharing the touch.
I have fallen in love with children that are not my own, and that I will have to leave behind in just over a month. My heart will be broken, this is assured.
The innocence of childhood is so endearing; how can you ever let go of a child who you have fed, bathed, and slept next to?
I am not sure, but I shall have to learn.
I have, for all intensive purposes, graduated from highschool. It is a prison I do not care to look back to.
I have hid from this place of art and beauty, afraid of the words I create. Afraid that they are not good enough. And I have hid longer, out of realization that that is such a silly thing to believe. I have nothing to prove. I am not a genius; no one is counting on my brilliance. I am a seventeen year old girl with red hair and freckles who knows what it is to love with every fiber of my being, and to hurt almost as deeply. That is what I have to offer to lit.org ; truth. That, and only that.
She falls softly down from towering pedastools...