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When I speak to you,
Or rather, when bits of old conversations
That I once had and could mean
Are repeated at you,
My words reverberate back
Inside of me, bouncing
eternally. Conservation of
Energy translates into the
Seductive purr of Nothing,
And I try to speak over the white noise--
Adrenaline charged, calorie,
sodium, and taste free Empty.
I create it and yet it is me
That it captivates, as one might
Wish to play with shadows
As clay between the fingertips,
Or pluck flowers through the glass pane
Of a window;
A deep desire to manipulate nonexistence--
First in the victim.
And so I keep speaking.
No, forget the victim.
But keep spinning webs of Vacancy.
Only lust in the delicate, raucous,
The consuming, intangible
Infinite hum of Void.
Hollows that I give form,
And yet control me.
But the words are still rushing.

She falls softly down from towering pedastools...

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The following comments are for "Speaking to the Mirror"
by shefallssoftly

Not just to the mirror
Nice one. Very nice. Good, sustained metaphor that doesn't ever come right out and hit us over the head. Thanks. My head needed a break.

It often feels like we're speaking/writing to the mirror, doesn't it?

The use of capital letters in this one is a bit inconsistent, and so confusing to me.

I also really like the "first in the victim" and then the, "no, forget the victim" tension. Really like it. But there might have been more tension if there had been a longer spread of text between the two. That's a minor gripe, though.

As I said earlier, a great, well maintained metaphor. Question: would it do better if you substituted more "regular" words like "shake" or "echo" for "reverberate" and "nothing" for "nonexistence?" Just a question. I often end up going back and editing my stuff, trying to find simpler words, shorter words, since I tend to like big, $4, double-Jeopardy, graduate-school words to begin with. And short, energy-words often do better than high-end vocab words in poetry. I save the big words for my essays and editorials. Just a question.

Nice work. While I'm at it, I'd like to point out how much I think you're stuff has improved in the year you've been sharing it with us here at Lit. Thanks for continuing to post, both your poetry and info about your ongoing journey.

- A

( Posted by: andyhavens [Member] On: July 31, 2005 )

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