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A Long Way From Sweden
by seanspacey (Member) - published: June 20, 2005
Word Count: 43 Word Bytes: 300 Viewed: 430 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by seanspacey





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It's another high desert summer
and there's a colossal fly
buzzing around the Christmas lights
that still decorate the kitchen window
that looks out on a dusty blue pump-house
that provides a home for a family of dagger-beaked starlings
but also still works.


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The following comments are for "A Long Way From Sweden"
by seanspacey

Just the facts, ma'm
Sean, I really like this piece. Very much like a painting with simple and uncluttered visual information.

The ending does have a slight feeling of being unfinished, but not much. Endings can be such delicate things.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: June 22, 2005 )

Not Sweden
Sean,

Followed gomar to this cool poem. I like it when you write poetry for me to read. Not that it's just for me... lol

I really, really like this - especially the "blue" pump-house sticking out in the desert backdrop. Great visual. However I have to disagree with Mr. Handsome up there and suggest it is cluttered with "that"s.

Suggestion?

It's another high desert summer
and a colossal fly is
buzzing around Christmas lights
still decorating the kitchen window,
which overlooks a dusty blue pump-house
providing housing for a family of dagger-beaked starlings
but also still works.


I hope you don't mind the example, Sean. I am in no way asking you to do it MY way! :)

You have a great poem, regardless!

Lans

( Posted by: GibsonGirl [Member] On: June 22, 2005 )

a long way from Sweden
I appreciate both of your commenting and, Gibsongirl, though I probably won't rewrite it just how you did, you made some really good points.
You see, my grandpa came to America from Sweden and met my grandma in the Swedish district of Chicago; they've both passed away. I suppose I was reflecting on the current state of my family. They really celebrate Christmas in Sweden; I lived there for a little while.

( Posted by: seanspacey [Member] On: June 22, 2005 )

Sean's Swedish Memories
Sean, that is a lovely anecdote!

My great x ? grandfather came to "Amerika" from Danmark with a wooden trunk (dad still has) and a wife. They went straight to Michigan and we gradually descended. I am very interested in that part of my family, and wish I had the on-site experience you mention. How very fortunate for you!

I hope to see more from your memories!

Lans

( Posted by: GibsonGirl [Member] On: June 23, 2005 )





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