Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

If you tear my flesh,
You'll see my soul is mesh,
Tattered and torn,
You're alone as I mourn,
You think that I am dead,
But I am in a bed,
Plotting revenge,
When you're face grows orange,
I will call once more,
As you sit in a bore,
"Death is coming" I yell,
As I seek to kill,
You stare as I kill [you],
Finally with my will,
I go to my bed,
Waiting for Death to call me dead


Related Items


The following comments are for "Revenge (for the dead)"
by forsakengurl

Avenging the living
forsakengurl, you are very brave to use 'orange' as a rhyme in a poem because I don't think there is a 100% rhyme to it. Can I suggest you change 'orange' to 'avenge'. Perhaps you can say why it is the teller wants to kill the other person.

I think you can expand on this poem a lot. There's room here for some imagery. Describe more on how you feel and even how you kill the person if that's your bag.

"Death is coming" I yell,
As I seek to kill,
You stare as I kill [you],
Finally with my will,

These four lines broke the rhythm for me with the rhyming. I know that 'Hell' is a great word to use with 'yell' which would free up 'kill' and 'will' for the last two lines.

I thought this was a good poem with a lot of potential and a great last line. I hope you can find fun in expanding it.


( Posted by: Emlyn [Member] On: June 20, 2005 )

basically this poem is aboudt revange - the crow! it started as a letter then I molded into this poem and Rest (for the dead). Thanks for the comments.

( Posted by: forsakengurl [Member] On: June 28, 2005 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.