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Dominion is that not an thing of the past
Some say it is
Belief me when I say so
It is far from being a thing of the past
For even now these days
It can be seen
Around every street
We dominate all
We even dominate our selfs
Within familys
Within politics
And even within an simple game
It is true that dominion is amongst
The humans of nature to
Though the humans of whoemsoever
Created us
Wishes to dominate every thing
And so as we walk
Destruction is behind us
We do not see it
We kill innocent life
And eat them
Yet we do not have the wit to see it
We only see our selves
And our souls
And we do not see
That all other life has an soul to
For we are to selfish
To see
And so with that selfness
We will automatically
Bring the end of days
To our selves
We do not need an demon
Or the four riders of the apocalypse
To do it
We even do not need the devil to do it
For the only riders of the apocalypse
Demons or devils
Are we
For we bring destruction upon our selves
By destroying nature
So I ask my self
Who will be

The last man standing


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The following comments are for "The last man standing"
by naijerana

Dominion is that not an thing of the past

* This is incoherent and made me want to hit my head against things. Your opening line should be powerful, not a grammatical nightmare.

Some say it is
Belief me when I say so

* Believe

Okay I'm going to stop right here. My advice - run this through a spellchecker, get someone with solid grammatical foundations, and work through this. A few lines in and I'm already scratching my head.

Poetry is easy and difficult, both for the same reasons. One, it is short, doesn't need a narrative or even total coherence to be successful, but on the other hand, every syllable, every word selection, counts infinately more than in prose. My advice - figure out what you are trying to say and take the time to edit this thoroughly, because it has potential.


( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: June 14, 2005 )

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