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I have been blacklisted, exiled
shoved into the dark pit of nothingness
for the price of my tounge
for the price of my honesty
for the price of my heart

what could i do to fix what i have broken

what could i do to turn back the tables of time
what would make things better again
if you can give me an answer, i'll do my best

if there was a way to explain it all i would
if there was a way to make it understood
if there was a way to undo what i do
if there was a way to make me stop loving you

i would take back everything that i've said
take away the blackness refill the red
i would climb the largest mountain, swim to the farest shore
to prove to you that i am not a whore

the pain i am feeling i do not know
any words or actions that could even show
how deeply i'm bleeding, how i feel so low

i want to be with you
i want to be away
you want me to go
you want me to stay

if emotions are people, and i think that they are
then distance won't matter, be it near or far
my love feels like poison, burning a whole in my heart
for i wonder if we'll ever be anything, other than apart.

[[ This is a poem, created on the ends of tears. If the someone comes across this at one point, then I hope he understands; at least a fragment that I am going through with everything that has been happening. I hope that he can see that his friendship, means more than any of the words I could ever write. Not that he'll ever read this, but I want it known.]]

If I did it...I didn't mean to.
If I hurt you...I didn't mean to.
If I left you...I didn't mean to.
If I scared you...I didn't mean to.
If I loved you...I didn't mean to.

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The following comments are for "Other than apart"
by Nicicole

I quit writting poetry (constantly) a couple of years ago after someone close to me confused my 'dark' emotions for pleads of the sucidial. Which wasn't entirely true. The one thing that stops me from wanting death, is the fact that I'd probally screw up and the doctors would bring me back and then I'd have to answer SOOOO many of those 'Oh ..why would you want to do that?.." questions. It gets old after a while and I have hardly any patience for repitition. At one point I was just writing and whatever came out came out, and that nearly got me sent to the school counsler; so it feels good to get back into it again. Maybe I'll be able to push out more in the future.
All the same thank you Jess, and I hope the point gets across to your bo, cause it didn't mine. *gigglez* Life goes on.
Take it easy...

n i k

( Posted by: nicicole [Member] On: July 12, 2002 )

raw and bleeding
As someone who was once asked by a family member if he needed to "talk about anything" after said relative read the poems he wrote for the high school lit magazine, I can relate to people not understanding. Simply putting it on the page doesn't make it so, and that sometimes the best therapy in the world is "bleeding" all your negative energy, pain and hurt onto an expanse of white paper. I liked the energy of this piece, you convey the feelings of rejection, desperation and pain very well. As Jess said I could apply this one to myself if I felt the urge. A very enjoyable read, keep em coming.

an aside: nice avatar I almost chose it myself

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: July 12, 2002 )

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