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FOR OURSELVES WE DO DECIEVE
FOR OURSELVES WE DONíT BELIEVE
HIDDEN THOUGHTS AND HIDDEN DREAMS
HIDDEN SHOUTS AND HIDDEN SCREAMS

NEVER KNOWING DAY BY DAY
WHY WE REALLY ARE THIS WAY
PERHAPS ONE DAY AROUND IíLL TURN
THEN THESE THOUGHTS IíLL REALY SPURN

THEN THE LIGHT WILL THEN SHINE THROUGH
THEN TO MYSELF I WILL BE TRUE
WE HAVE NO REASON TO TAKE FLIGHT
WHAT GIVES ME WORRY WHAT GIVES ME FRIGHT

WHAT MAKES ME THINK I CAN NOT COPE
I LOSE ALL REASON I LOSE ALL HOPE
OF ALL THE THINGS I TRY TO HIDE
THAT CAUSES TURMOIL ALL INSIDE

WHAT HOPE HAVE I TO LIVE A LIFE
FREE OF WORRY FREE OF STRIFE
WHAT IS THIS THING I CANNOT FACE
THE THING THATíS HIDDEN IN ITS PLACE

DOWN INSIDE MY SOUL IT HIDES
DOWN DEEP INSIDE THE THING RESIDES
NOT EVER COMING TO THE LIGHT
PERHAPS LIKE ME ITíS FULL OF FRIGHT








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Comments

The following comments are for "DARKNESS INSIDE"
by assam

Turn the light on please
This is a fantastic poem assam, I love the rhyming both internal and external and I love the way you've repeated words which don't hinder the rhythm at all.

"THEN THESE THOUGHTS IíLL REALY SPURN" should be 'really' however I'd change this line to
'AND SPURN THESE THOUGHTS OF MY CONCERN'. In my opinion 'spurn' sounds a little forced so I've put it in early and used 'concern' which I don't think is as forced and for me doesn't alter the rhythm despite the extra syllable.

WHAT MAKES ME THINK I CAN NOT COPE I think should be cannot but that's just my preference.

I loved everything about this poem, the technicalities, the subject matter, the ending however it's your rhyme pattern that I like most.

Emlyn

( Posted by: Emlyn [Member] On: June 22, 2005 )





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