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At delightful indigeous times
I feel as if I truly belong here
Like the sunbursts playing tag
amongst windy happy leafy green
Like continuing currents that dance
in the sea, it feels just so right being me.

------
`always write poetry, Cheryl


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The following comments are for "Being Me..."
by ladyngold

Being Me
Cheryl,

Welcome to Lit, I have just found your work following a comment you made on my haiku. The site is usually so busy that it is hard to find time to look at all posts, but I am glad I found yours.

This piece I found used words to paint a picture in a way full of life and excitement allowing the reader to share the experience or the author... well written.

However, as it is the purpose of this site to explain a readers reactions fully, I will say that I found 'At spontaneous times' not as flowing and rhythmatic in it's language as the rest of the poem. The piece may be improved by finding a lively but softer way to say this.

This is of course only my personal feelings and differs with ever reader.

Again welcome to the site, I hope to see more of your excellent work..

Have fun,

Ivor.

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: June 3, 2005 )

Ivor thank you so very much..
for the welcome to this writing site and also for the honest and useful review and I am taking your suggestions and changing that first line to something lighter. Thanks again. `always write poetry, Cheryl.

( Posted by: ladyngold [Member] On: June 3, 2005 )

So right being me......
Cheryl,

You have really captured this with the new first line, it feels now as if the poetry was written around it..amazing!

I looked at this and could find no solution myself, I knew I wouldn't as it was not my poetry. I truly do not know why this particular piece carries me so, it just does. It possibly has a lot to do with the culmination of the poem.....

'it feels just so right being me.'

If only we could know this in our souls always...

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: June 4, 2005 )

Thanks Ivor
Wonderful motivational comments about my edited poem. Thanks dearly.

( Posted by: ladyngold [Member] On: June 4, 2005 )





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