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Sharing

Beauty they say, is all in the mind,
But itís all in the mind of beholder.
"Your beauty my dear is shining out clear",
Those were the first words that I told her.

For an opening line it wasnít divine,
Just better than nothing at all.
But after a drink, then even one wink,
Can lead you to having a ball.

She told me she knew, my words were untrue,
But she figured what I had in mind.
Then said with a grin, that her charms I may win,
If Iíd help her fulfilment to find.

So I then had my way, and for hours we did play,
No end could I find to her lust.
From the tip of her toes, to the end of her nose,
And dwelling a while at her bust.

I knew it was right, for it felt firm and tight,
Tíwas a coupling of souls meant to be.
We decided right then we must do it again,
Forever through eternity!

Now were thirty years on, and weíre still joined as one,
Though more weathered and wrinkled a bit.
Still from foot to her head Iím continually fed,
And still pause for a bit at her tit.

But thatís not all we share, just mad lust as a pair,
For she even does cooking as well.
Though Iím getting fat, it donít stop what we're at,
It just means that we rest for a spell.

So now you can see, what my life means to me,
And how all of my loving is done.
Itís by standing quite tall, when I get natures call,
And then making damn sure we have fun.

Ivor G Davies


------
The moment created this second, is a moment that's going to last.
It lives the full spectrum of time, the future, the present and past.
------


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Comments

The following comments are for "Sharing"
by ivordavies

Sharing
I like the sharing. It is filled with youthful innocence. I don't know whether you forced some rhyme on purpose or it came out this way. Either way, it works.

williamhill

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: May 25, 2005 )

Tempting...
Now who plays the tempter? Very cool write Ivor, a side you've kind of hidden from the rest of us less shy souls. Enjoyed.

I would use your "have fun" phrase but apparently you are already doing so.

Nae ;0)

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: May 25, 2005 )

Waiting to hear from Joan!!!
You dog, you Ivor!! lol

Would love to know your wife's reaction when she saw this...this needs rebuttal for sure!!

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: May 25, 2005 )

Sharing?
Charlie,
Youthful innocence...yes that's me!

Nae,
Have you forgotton the Lit Org Ball?

Bea,
Joan loved it, what did I say wrong?

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: May 25, 2005 )

It just means that we rest for a spell
This is my new favorite Ivor. Meaningful and a little cheeky.

One thing
"So I then had my way, and for hours we did play"
This line didn't flow right to me, perhaps I'm saying it wrong but I think
"So I then had my way, and for hours we played" fits better. I'm giving 'hours' a very generous two syllables here but I think it takes out a little of the wordiness of the line.

Everything else it top notch though as always. Insightful and fun.

Emlyn

( Posted by: Emlyn [Member] On: May 26, 2005 )

Sharing 'glitches'
Emlyn,

Thank you for your kind words, I'm glad you liked this.

I allowed only the first two lines of the first stanza in this one to break with my rhyming meter , to get the cliche in! And bastardized this to set the scene for the poem.

'Beauty is in the mind of the beholder'

The other stanzas carry internal rhyme in both the first and second lines, and end rhyming on the second and fourth lines. The first two lines were intended as the 'opener' before the rhyme and pace of the piece was set in concrete.

Your suggestion, although possibly OK for a stand alone stanza, does not follow this rhyming theme:

"So I then had my way, and for hours we played"

In a way, you have payed me quite a compliment in sugesting this, for although it is quite a complex rhyming theme, it means it was invisible to you! I feel that rhyme, meter, and any technicalities in the poetry should not be noticable and a piece should just 'feel' right without anything being obvious.

I fear that accents, language and pronunciation will always trip people up as what seems fluent can be akward to others. Apart from punctuation to help, there is little a poet can do to rectify this.

Only recently I commented to Ed on a poem that despite another person saying a particular rhyming word was wrong, was actually perfect to me. Another poet then came in to say the same thing after missing it in my response.

Again, thank you indeed for reading and commenting, it is always of interest to me where others find 'gliches' in my words in order that I may be aware of the many traps there are to fall into.

As one deeply respected poet called me a dog for writing this I am glad that a few people enjoyed it!

Only joking Bea ...Honest!

Have Fun,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: May 26, 2005 )

Fun and games with Ivor!
Hey Ivor...That may have lost a little in translation...You "Dawg" as it's usually expressed here, means you sly old puss, you're someone to look up to in the love game by wannabee's and then some!

I was teasing about your portraying Joan as the resident "hussy" here luring you on...more power to her!
Long may you two continue to have "fun"!

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: May 27, 2005 )

shareware
Hi Ivor.

Loving, laughs and lascivious levity abound here. I liked the rhmye as well and had no problem with it on first read. But when I went back and read that stanza I could understand Emlyn's point. Somehow I think we gain the rythmn and rhyme in the early section and then just make the slight adjustments in emphasis to make the line flow. When I read it seperately though it did seem different, but in the context of the whole, no problem.

cheeky cheers
mick

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: May 28, 2005 )

Ivor
I remember the ball well. Hmm, we need another one.

Nae ;0)

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: May 28, 2005 )

Bold and Witty Ivor
This was a witty and bold rhyming presentation ...almost made me feel uncomfortable with the subject matter so personal...almost uncomfortable. Nice writing Ivor.

( Posted by: ladyngold [Member] On: June 4, 2005 )

Ivor, I really like this
Very witty and so much like you. Personal, somewhat, but it all works nicely, really.

I could see Joan standing behind you as you read this to her laughing, "No you're not Ivor!""you'e not".

This was a fun read which was nice, I needed some smiles. This did it for me.

About the ryhme of this I read it before the comments and found it well to read. I also agreed with your comments.

I think it is a fine poem and I love the light and airy way you wrote it. Still smiling. Must be a breast man!!

Megwetch,
Darlene

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: June 7, 2005 )

Lit's experience!
Well I think from your comments that this one brought a few memories of personal adventures for all of you!

Williamhill - youthful innocence
Nae - tempter
Bea - you dog
Emlyn - meaningful, cheeky, insightful and fun
Smithy - lascivious levity
ladyngold - ...almost made me feel uncomfortable
Fairplay - tell her she deseves a medal...
Dareva - Must be a breast man!!
and Tina...- I can never imagine you growing up.

Grow up me....never! As for the rest of you, seems like you've had a full life judging from the responses...

Have fun,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: June 7, 2005 )





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