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hi...i just wrote this in 2 minutes about 10 minutes ago, so read and review! fun stuff :oP later.

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"Home"

i want a place
where my fingers can find
home on your skin
a home of some kind

i want to know
everything you say
every word that tumbles out
takes all the hurt away

i want to know
if you're here for me
i don't know
how it's supposed to be

please tell me i'm not alone
tell me i'll be okay
i know it's crazy that
i believe what you say


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The following comments are for "Home"
by Veruca Salt

When you get out of your way...
I really like this poem! It has a good rythm to it, but it's not one to put you to sleep. Also, the poem portrays an awkward situation very well, and captures a large number of feelings (primarily desire and confusion) in a sort space of screen. Really, the only thing that I would do is consider changing "that" to "but" and making the requisite punctuation changes. Sometimes we write our best when we stop trying to be great and get out of our own way.

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: August 13, 2002 )

Two left feet...
Couldn't have said it better myself, Recycled Avatar.

The dance flows more smoothly when we stop watching our feet.

This was Good, Veruca. A nice theme.

--jasmine

( Posted by: Jasmine [Member] On: August 13, 2002 )





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