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Will to Live

Feeling down, and really out,
Mind now clouded up by doubt.
I know that this is not like me,
For my soul always soars quite free.

Depression is an ugly bird,
That has no wings and is absurd.
For nothing's changed, except for me,
Just feelings that should never be.

My heart is sad, I know not why,
Comfort would surely be... to die.
Where is that spark that filled my soul,
I'm sinking now in life's dark hole.

I know the path, I've been before,
And only me can force the cure.
No medicine will rescue me,
But God it's hard to struggle free.

I think it comes when I've been high,
When scorching wings against the sky.
What right have I to love my life,
When most of it is torn with strife.

But this I promise to myself,
I'll cure this malady of health.
For all life's wonders are still there,
It's only 'me' who doesn't care.

I'm overworked and overstressed,
Is this the reason I'm depressed?
Alas, I know that's not the case,
I take both these within my pace.

It's being happy, when I know,
That others cannot share my glow.
I think I share in worldwide grief,
To give my soul it's core belief.

But I must quickly let it go,
Before it traps me down below.
Return to life and start to run,
Shake off this care and have some fun.

There's time and place for everything,
And sometimes we must bear life's sting.
It's up to me, my way to choose,
But left to feelings, I'd just lose.

I have to find the will to go,
When only logic tell me so.
Ignore the aching in my soul,
And claw my way out from this hole.

Ivor G Davies


------
The moment created this second, is a moment that's going to last.
It lives the full spectrum of time, the future, the present and past.
------


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Comments

The following comments are for "Will to Live"
by ivordavies

Ivor's magic shovel!
Ivor...you have a magic shovel at your command to help you dig out of your depression.

It has many facets...you just have to concentrate and call on them one by one...particularly your way with words, whether it's poetry, story telling, your immense capacity to give love and help to others etc. Immerse yourself in directing your thoughts elsewhere when the darkness rears it's ugly head. The mind is a wondrous thing, but performs best when you close it off to everything but the work at hand...just remember, we all love and respect you and are here for you...just give us a call (pm) and you'll be laughing in no time!

We have two choices in life...we can give in to the dark side or...recognize that we have much to offer to this world and fight like hell to rejoin it!! Just remind yourlself you've done it before...and you know the way home!

You're as stubborn as I am Ivor...you CAN do it!!!

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: May 13, 2005 )

Depressed me......
Bea,

Thank you for you kind words.

Depression, to some extent I have had to learn to live with this, First brought on by my father's death coupled with a very stressful job at the time, then later by my daughters death.

'Waves' of depression sweep over me 'every' night at around 9pm and I have to overcome these and control the amount of time I allow these feeling to stay...where possible. I have learned to deal with 'outside' influences due to my work in spiritual plains. However I am not sure whether it is this or just my determination not to be controlled that helps.

Just lately I have been getting longer periods of these feelings lasting for many hours and am fighting my way back before they get a hold. However, when my 'muse' joined me in the early hours of the morning I decided to write straight into the 'submit' section of Lit in order to capture the exact feelings as they were happening in case reading this could be of any help to others who suffer from depression.

I had originally written this response to you as a PM, but on reading it decided to give an open reply to show that depression is not the person, and there is a way to live with it. It is important to seperate yourself from your feelings at times. Believe me. it can be done and you can make life fun again!

Again, thanks Bea, I am OK and can deal with this, as a poet I just wanted to capture the moment,

Have Fun,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: May 13, 2005 )

Ivor...
hang in there, i know how you feel, just in my way...plum yucky...i do alot praying, its got to help, can't hurt. I've been here at lit. 6 months i believe more than just a few of us understand. i've had few days myself, i'll survive, hope you get to feeling better real soon....Robin

( Posted by: Robinbird [Member] On: May 13, 2005 )

depressed me
when Im depressed I call on Jesus to lift me up from the darkness and you only need to ask for God will always answer. your poem is very nice.

( Posted by: Agape [Member] On: May 13, 2005 )

live to will
Excellent work Ivor. The flow and rhyme was easy and rhythmic. A tough subject that you handled well. I can understand those feelings that you expressed here.

No matter how long or dark the tunnel, the light always comes. That understanding comes with age and experience. It is the young who suffer more and teenage suicide due to depression is abnormally high in western countries like Australia. Knowing others can manage and have experienced similar periods make writings like this very worthwhile.

I appreciate the fact you were able to use that time so fruitfully and share your personal experiences.

cheers
mick

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: May 13, 2005 )

will to live


Ivor,

You capture the awful state that many of us are familiar with so well with words, I'm in awe. Yes, being overworked, and stressed can make you go into a dark abyss. I also like the way you mention the feeling of feeling happy and you can't share it with others or you are worried about how long it's going to last. In my experience as horrible as it is, I just hang in there because it will pass.

Great read,

macbeth

( Posted by: macbeth [Member] On: May 13, 2005 )

Mind over Matter
To give and not to count the cost




How sad that a giver is depressed

When takers are so busy plotting they bounce through life

Examine your conscience ….. ask yourself what you did to be depressed

Then when you see the answer... nothing…..

Plan as only you know how.

Keep a writing pad handy

Change sadness into happiness write down what you are doing wrong

Then when you are lost for words. Write down who deserves you time and effort and give it to them

Remember the golden rule

To make other happy you also have to be happy

Though those at Litorg seem to break the usual line of thought

“Cry and your all on your own”……………. Not here mate

But I would bet they would rather see your “Up Side Back”

( Posted by: Den [Member] On: May 14, 2005 )

Thank You - Ivor
I now feel quite guilty posting this, as I am still full of fun and happy. As I said, I have 'bad times' and have let them get stronger lately, but this was a failing on my part. The thing I was trying to get over is that I have learnd to live with these and normally enjoy life to the full.

This has not changed much over the last ten years and I think people on the site have become aware of my normal mind set. I suppose the thing I am trying to get over is that life can be enjoyed in whatever circumstances. It is all in the Mind, as I keep saying in my posts.

I do however appreciate all the concern and support that helps to raise me back to normality. When I get a chance I will look at the profiles of the new names I have not seen before, may I welcome you and hope you find as much pleasure in this site as I have.

Have Fun,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: May 14, 2005 )





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