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Proud high walls beaten down,
Towers crumbled and battlements fell;
Now all stood in mourning on the far riverbank-
Watching the bright fires, molten glittery veins,
Of soft hopes and gentle wishes,
Fluttering against the boat of iron and glass.

Tales unfinished inside half-realized dreams,
Pages of trailing words and empty lines,
Lives; stillborn,
Contained, inside the boat of iron and glass-
Burning with an unatural heat inside,
While drifting down the greedy waters.

Red stained fingers within matted hair-
Futile efforts' pain,
Arms aching with the sores of overreach,
"Come back, I am sorry", raspy voice cry,
Seeing so clearly thtough the glass-
The burning pages- time's labor's lost.





------
The conscious shape reality.



Comments

The following comments are for "Write Off: The Boat of Iron and Glass"
by Furius


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In under the line
And the final contestant on todays show. I'm impressed by the quality of the work here. The imagery is great and the subject stands out. One final time, the rating would've been higher, but...

( Posted by: Apathy's tears [Member] On: July 1, 2002 )

Techno Charon
I'm not sure why this piece reminds me of some sort of techno-organic Charon poling his boat across the River Styx with pages of all the words art burning on the river banks.. I liked the images you used even if my personal take is exactly that "personal" Glad you came in under the wire...

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: July 1, 2002 )

Lament
I like your use of vivid imagery, it puts some interesting visuals in ny head, but I'll have to go with Jess on this one because it feels more like a lament or tale of regret as opposed to frustration. Nice work though.

( Posted by: kross [Member] On: July 2, 2002 )

Rating on the Styx
As I said before I enjoyed this piece but I can't say I can see a strong connection to the subject matter specified for this little competition. So with that said here's my rating

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: July 3, 2002 )

Sympathize...
Well, I must agree with roganize on this one, considering that when I read this I had one computer down and had just finished rebuilding another. The work is great, but I have a favorite in mind already.

( Posted by: Khazra3829 [Member] On: July 4, 2002 )

re: The Boat of Iron and Glass

I have to go against the grain on this one. First off, the work was truly literary. It was very well written, the work of a pro. I like the imagery and scenes you painted. You showed me a slice of a life in just a few short lines. Great job.

Also, I think you nailed frustration right on the head. At least for me. The only time I get frustrated is when I'm "trapped" and can't control the world around me. It feels like I've been beaten and caged. So you images really hit home for me. Well done, my favorite piece in this contest.

( Posted by: Chrispian [Admin] On: July 7, 2002 )





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