Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(1 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

Loving you is like watching myself drown
Sinking slowly down into the waves
It's a rush of sweetness tinted by bitterness
It's comforting and painful
Feeling so cold, but surounded
Can you see my depths as I see yours
Do you see the sparkle of the stars
I feel like I am twisting and warping
Wrapped around something I have never known
But you have dissolved like mist
Vanishing before my eyes

"Ink drips from the corners of my mouth. There is no happiness like mine. I have been eating poetry."
-- Mark Strand

Related Items


The following comments are for "Drowning in stars"
by Kine

i really liked this. it's just because the poem had a feel to it. i dunno. i can't explain it. as always, keep writing :oP


( Posted by: Veruca Salt [Member] On: July 1, 2002 )

this one seems very trite to me and here's why.

1.loving=drowning/watching myself drown. it has been used thousands of times. You also enhance this feeling of triteness by "sinking slowly down into the waves"
2. "rush of sweetness tinted by bitterness"- trite
3. comforting but painful-- ditto.

etc. the juxtapositions are so trite that imho they no longer have any meaning.

( Posted by: talash [Member] On: July 2, 2002 )

This one felt touching because I guess it just felt a bit personal. Keep up the good work!

( Posted by: Harkonis [Member] On: July 21, 2002 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.