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Loving you is like watching myself drown
Sinking slowly down into the waves
It's a rush of sweetness tinted by bitterness
It's comforting and painful
Feeling so cold, but surounded
Can you see my depths as I see yours
Do you see the sparkle of the stars
I feel like I am twisting and warping
Wrapped around something I have never known
But you have dissolved like mist
Vanishing before my eyes


------
"Ink drips from the corners of my mouth. There is no happiness like mine. I have been eating poetry."
-- Mark Strand


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Comments

The following comments are for "Drowning in stars"
by Kine

hi
i really liked this. it's just because the poem had a feel to it. i dunno. i can't explain it. as always, keep writing :oP

::k-t::

( Posted by: Veruca Salt [Member] On: July 1, 2002 )

trite
this one seems very trite to me and here's why.

1.loving=drowning/watching myself drown. it has been used thousands of times. You also enhance this feeling of triteness by "sinking slowly down into the waves"
2. "rush of sweetness tinted by bitterness"- trite
3. comforting but painful-- ditto.

etc. the juxtapositions are so trite that imho they no longer have any meaning.


( Posted by: talash [Member] On: July 2, 2002 )

Touching
This one felt touching because I guess it just felt a bit personal. Keep up the good work!

( Posted by: Harkonis [Member] On: July 21, 2002 )





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