Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

I feel like we are slowly breaking
Shattering and separating
Behind hidden hopes and tainted eyes
The sleek deceit you can't deny

And I can't be sure you even care
An empty promise and vacant stare
I'm living here in blurred regret
A painted dream of sad torment

So, welcome to our funeral...
These final days are so frustrating
When blistered bonds begin deflating

Related Items


The following comments are for "Best"
by AgainstElliot

Welcome To Our Funeral
Hi AE:

I like this, but the last stanza, in its 3 lines, seems too disjointed. I would look at that again, and try to pull that good line into a better blend.


( Posted by: GibsonGirl [Member] On: May 2, 2005 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.