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7heartbreakersbe..

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I stand alone in the dark with no chance of escape.

I see it move swift and fast as it prepares to attack.

I feel it hiding in the comfort of darkness behind my eyes and I am afraid to move or run.

I am to afraid to take a step, step towards the light.

I am chased, chased by my mistakes and regrets.

I can’t admit what I have done so alone I stand.

Until the day I can take the step, step towards the light.



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The following comments are for "I Stand..."
by poetfreak

In my opion:
Heys,
That was not bad, it still needs some work, but it's not bad! Just keep working and you will suceed in getting better! But...you'll go far!
from a fellow poet:
heartbreakersbeware

( Posted by: heartbreakersbeware [Member] On: May 13, 2005 )

Thanks
Thank you for all the comments, but you said this writing piece needed work what do you mean? That will be a big help. Thanks again.

PoetFreak

( Posted by: poetfreak [Member] On: May 16, 2005 )

poetfreak
These were the two lines that I disliked:
"I feel it deep"...it doesn't fit!
"step towards the light." Try: "stepping towards the light!" I don't know if that will work, but that's what i thought!
heartbreakersbeware

( Posted by: heartbreakersbeware [Member] On: May 16, 2005 )





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